Substance Abuse - recognise the signs

[ambertouch]

As a mother who has been to hell and back because of my son's drug addiction I feel compelled to support and share experiences with anyone in the same nightmare situation or who suspects their teenager is involved in substance misuse/abuse. It wrecks families and the knock on effect is devastating. It can be extremely difficult to spot the signs as teenagers are by nature moody and difficult and it is therefore important to tell the difference between "adolesence" and something more sinister

Cannabis is very addictive. Cannabis destroys lives and the same with my son he had everything going for him. It has been an absolute battle because the people who got him into this their parents have allowed it and covered for him aswell. We can't leave him alone in the house either. I feel like it is killing us as a family. I think more should be done in schools, etc to help fight this. Even to make parents more aware. Police don't even seem interested. It's like fighting a losing battle!

Lovely to see this thread here.

Have posted a few times about my DS previously but never kept it up as is a name change for me and also sometimes I'd like to just pretend the problem doesn't exist for a while as it's so exhausting. Maryz, it's nice to see you here - some of your problems have always felt similar to mine.

Have 18 year old DS, never assessed for anything but would say that I increasingly feel he is AS as his behaviour is consistent with many AS traits. He has always seemed a little different to many other kids but has felt more so as he has grown older. Has been dabbling with drugs a lot for the last couple of years. I've tried lots of things but very difficult. Was in conflict with H over the situation (H was basically in denial of the situation and buried it all within himself) - H left months ago now for OW.

Amazingly DS has now left school and has part time job which has helped although the abuse continues. DS does not feel that there is an issue.

aspieteensuspect I think it doesn't seem to be an issue to them because it is so common and part of normal teenage life these days. I would say that it is common practise for 2 out of 3 teenagers.

Agree although usage here is high and goes beyond cannabis.

same here aspieteensuspect the usage here is high and also goes beyond cannabis. Even that is common place I feel for a lot of teenagers.

This is a huge problem.

I was worried at the start of the year that my son was going down the addiction path with cannabis and I posted on here quite a lot as I was desperately worried. He got excluded from school for smoking it and for a time was doing it after school (and possibly before). Even months after the exclusion the school suspected he was smoking in school but couldn't prove it.

He even went to counselling in February (once) and said he didn't have a problem. Luckily I think we found out in time and he wasn't addicted. I found out 3 months before he was excluded that he was dabbling when he left his phone on my bed .

We seemed to be able to nip the problem in the bud by restricting the money. Around the age of 13 (he has just turned 15) he had too much money (a paper round) and too much freedom. We had no reason to suspect anything as he was basically a good kid.

The problem today is a lot of teenagers drink as well which rightly or wrongly most parents kind of accept as long as they don't overdo it. Sometimes it can be hard to tell the difference between the effects of alcohol and cannabis (although not skunk - this should I believe be so obvious and I really don't think my son ever had skunk).

We still have to watch him like a hawk and sometimes I feel like the Police. We can't let him stay over at anyone's house as I just don't know what he will do and most of his friends have too much freedom.

He has definitely smoked cannabis to my knowledge two or three times in the last few months. I don't know whether he is not able to get hold of it now or if his friends don't bother with it anymore but it doesn't seem to be a problem.

He has admitted to my husband that he sometimes drinks 6 cans of lager at once and I have reported two local shops. Even with £5 they can still get a lot of alcohol these days.

suoersec it sounds like you are on the ball with this. It sounds like you have control over your ds and that is a good sign. Cannabis is an awful drug and in my opinion damaging. It has had a bad effect on my sons mental health but not apparently so in the beginning.

I know what you mean about parents accepting the drinking thing too. I know parents who drink with their kids who are under age and positively encourage it.

You are very wise because I let my son stay at friends houses, handle his own money etc. I was very oblivious to it to be honest.

Unless I spotted that text message he sent to his friend last November I would have been oblivious to it as well, as I can honestly say there were no worrying signs when he first started.

He said he started taking it in June, 3 months before the text. Around the time of his birthday around £60 went missing in a couple of weeks. My husband was very naive and said he probably wasted it on slot machines.

Maryz agree with you totally, I wish that I had had some control. I never did exactly like you explain above. My son was permanentlty excluded from school and also has no reults. He is now 20 and he is starting to conforma little bit and is on the sick. Life is very up and down but miles better than the days when he was 14+. Still easy to anger and can be very scary!

I dread still at his age now him getting a job as money is lethal with him. While his money is limited we have more control. He has stayed in for almost 4 weeks with last weekend the first weekend he went out and smoked cannabis. He is back staying in and trying to stay on track. Very difficult him around the house all the time. He is avoiding friends and I dread him getting back with them. He has attended 3 counselling sessions but didn't attend this week. It's all very up and down. Maryz maybe when your son is a bit older he may see what things are doing to him and try. I am not holding my hopes up because the time has been too short and anything can happen. Trouble is everybody in the house including my dh thinks I am wasting my time. His brother is digging him all the time causing anger outbursts. Dh wants him out but I think he will never succeed if he lives by himself. It is like being a constant carer and very tiring.

Even though my son has not used cannabis a lot in the last few months we still have a problem with him truanting with the boys who were excluded at the same time as him.

I was driving myself demented thinking is this a truancy problem or a cannabis problem. I even had the deputy head going into class when he arrived at 10 am (he should be in school at 8.20) to check if he looked as though he had had something.

In fact we were that fed up to put it mildly and stressed with the phone calls from school (usually 3 a week) to say he wasn't there we told him a week before he finished in July that he had done his last day there. He went absolutely ballistic, attacked his dad and smashed the glass in the front door. He said he was leaving so we packed up all his clothes and shoes so he couldn't leave the house. The next day we told him the only way he was leaving was through Social Services. We gave him the number and went out. When we came back he said he didn't want to go. He has had to pay £200 for new glass in the front door. He had this to buy a new guitar.

He has been intimidating to teachers also. This is all because he is hanging round with low lifes some of whom have a criminal record at 14/15

So even without the cannabis we are having problems. He hasn't even seen these boys in the summer holidays so they are not his real friends. It remains to be seen whether he truants with them again when he goes back to do his last year.

I think the reason he got involved with them in the first place was because he had the money for cannabis and they didn't.

supersec my son did that kicked in the front door glass in rage when he was at school age. I now know that he was smoking cannabis because the anger seems to be a side effect of cannabis. Still is if he smokes it like Maryz says give it a day or so later and the bad temper is awful. He blows up at the slightest thing. They have to change their friends because if they don't nothing will change. My son ran away and wouldn't come home and I rang social services and they weren't interested. They said give him wings but give him roots!

He actually wanted to go into care because he met his girlfriend who was in care. He bragged about everything she was able to get. They get mint clothes and money etc. She was given a beautiful flat at 16 brand new. He moved in it was second floor and you would have to buzz in. Well they were able to keep us out! Rent paid , gas and electric paid, shopping money, benefits could not have been better. They were able to use cannabis as much as they wanted and other drugs too. So there was no way that we could get into help and social services basically allowed it and helped it.

Going on a bit now sorry!!

Then social services called to say that gf was pregnant and that they were going to put a care order on the baby. They did this because they were young and taking drugs. We were then asked about our interest in taking gc on as he would be going into foster care.

My son is not interested in any day time activities or going to the cinema etc like he used to. I think this is old hat to him and his friends now - they just like to drink and smoke cannabis it seems to me. In fact in the summer holidays I don't think any of his friends got out of bed before 2 o'clock.

Even though he has had limited amounts of money - no more than £5 - £7 at a time - he has been drinking a lot during the holidays. Whenever he goes out that is all he seems to do. He never comes back legless but we know he has had a few and I think this is a "smokescreen" for the cannabis.

He didn't want us to see him on Wednesday night and on Thursday night he was drunk but also had a stunned look about him (this was after going out with £2.50). I said to my husband it isn't just alcohol and we said to our son that it wasn't acceptable for our money be going solely on alcohol and cannabis - he doesn't do anything else. We said if he wanted to disprove our suspicions he was still smoking cannabis he would have to take a drugs test which he point blankly refused to do saying he is not pissing in a pot for anyone.

I don't think we have any choice but to stop giving him money and just wait for world war 3 to start.

The thing is he has been great in the holidays - no back chat, aggression etc. Then no demands were being made of him re school, homework etc.

What has also made me suspicious is that he NEVER wants us to know where he is.

Is it unreasonable for the parents of a 15 year old to need to know where their child is and who they are with? It seems a major problem to him. It's got the point where we can't even pick him up as he wants to make his own way home rather than lose face with his friends who are allowed out way past his curfew time of 10.45.