13yr DD - the pill

[hopeless1]

I have a 13yr old daughter who is a complete nightmare, she is verbally abusive to the family, constantly lies, takes everything, money, food, make up my clothes etc, has been on special report at school for most of the year with no signs of improvement. Last week she truanted for some of the day because she was fed up (not exactly her words). Completely does not like the word No or being told what to do. The dilemma is, do we put her on the pill to control her mood swings, (she has a very bad temper and takes this out on her room and occasionally my walls and doors). The problem is that if we do, is this giving her a licence to be sexually active. trouble is she is secretative, so know way of knowing if she has a boyfriend. I do not want to endorse her being sexually active until at least 20!! . I hate having a teenage daughter.

Could you try Bach Flower remedies? I don't have teenagers but use with toddlers and for myself - various stages of stress, pregnancy, post natal anxiety etc. Lots of info to google but read this for a start. Probably best to speak to someone who can find the best remedy fit but reading the on line guides / buying a book could be a good place to start.
Putting a few drops of Cherry Plum in water and giving morning and evening won't do any harm and could result in the world of difference. You might need to slip it into her juice though!!
With a toddler, I was asked "what have you done, you have a different child" from one week to the next! and for me, they allow me to take control and stay calm.

are you sure her mood swings are caused by PMT? if they're not, putting her on the pill won't help and may give you extra problems ...

she'd also have to remember to take it every day and 13 year olds aren't known for their organisational skills ...

if she's started truanting and is being violent could you ask for a referral to CAMHS?

Thought we had already done this through school and she will be having counselling come September. May have to refer via the Gp.

You are right though teenagers are no known for organisational skills, constantly reminding her of PE kit, detentions, etc. It would be me giving it to her on a daily basis.

i'm not sure why putting her on the pill would help with her moods? there is no biological reason for 'pmt'.

My dd is similiar. Had a thread on it here and got good advice. With my dd it came on all suddenly, around time her periods started. Is this the case with your dd or has she always been like this?

Never known the contraceptive pill to stop someone lying! Seriously though I think it would be the last thing to do and anyway why would a doctor prescribe contraception for behaviour problems?

Have you thought about getting some parenting support for yourself or family counselling (perhaps better after she has received some help on her own)?

Why do you think she may be behaving like this?

Personally I would NOT put a 13 yr old on the pill to help with mood swings.. and I would be very surprised if a doctor would prescribe for that reason unless she also has terribly heavy periods etc . ALL you would be doing is giving her free rein to have sex as not many 13 yr olds would think about the STD side of things if they think they can't get pregnant.

Teen girls (and boys.I have two of each!) can be exceptionally vile..you have my sympathy... but trying to control with hormones really isn't the best way forward.

When we hit rock bottom (with DS1 as it happens tho my girls have both had issues at various times) I went on a parenting course.. referred by my GP. Initially I felt insulted to be offered this.. I work with extremely challenging teens as a JOB! However I was wrong, and it was THE best thing I could have done. Apart from the fact that it was reassuring to know we weren't alone, we also learned an awful lot about teens and family dynamics and about deescalating situations at home (we had a house smasher) etc etc and it was VERY helpful. 3 years later my DS1 is a LOT LOT better and the girls have also benefitted.

Hang in there.. they do improve..eventually

(MistyB... sorry but a 'few drops of Cherry Plum in water' to solve a difficult teen ??? .....)

Thanks for all your advice. She does have heavy periods and felt that this may help. we have just had an awful weekend, grounded her for truanting at school, only to get lots of verbal grief, finally when she walked out of the house my husband threatened her by taking away all her electrical items if she walked off the drive. She did!! so all power leads taken away. Come home on Monday to find that she had smashed the kitchen window to get in the house when she stated that the key she took off my key ring did not work. As if!!. Today she again truanted from school, they rang me to call the police as her friend said she had gone to meet someone at a local pub. Today is not much better. Tearing my hair out.