My wife and I have just had a massive row - we don't row that much or this emphatically, but it's about something that is a long-term tension and I would like to know if we are alone in this.
It all centres on the computer, an Apple Mini, in the kitchen. It's understood to be my wife's as I have an Air in my office. I like computers, learnt programming in the distant past, and am prepared to take time to overcome their idiosyncrasies. My wife, who is not particularly tech-minded, by her own admission, is highly impatient, and continually at odds with her computer. I hear her shouting at it when I am in another room. I come in to help. Almost always the scenario is depressingly the same; she says she did exactly what she is supposed to, she has done nothing wrong, and it's not working, and it's the computer that has gone wrong. Often she challenges me to do whatever she is doing, in order to show me that it's not her who is in the wrong. Nine times out of ten I immediately get it to do what it's supposed to do, and the tenth spend a bit of time finding out what is wrong (for example iPlayer needs an upgrade for Flash). Here I will absolutely admit that I have certainly misplayed this, by insisting that she must have done something wrong, given that I can get it right each time. This is clearly patronising and mansplaining. Nevertheless I do have a problem with people not taking time and care to understand something properly, and have the patience to work out what is wrong carefully (this is all a bit Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance).
Clearly however this is something more complex and symptomatic. My misguided attempts to help by showing my wife she has done something wrong are not useful, and indeed have hit a massive nerve, as a broken bowl and a traumatised dog, and daughter, show. For my wife the computer is utterly opaque, and she can only follow what she remembers about how to interact with it. A single mistake or misstep in any procedure is fatal, and she cannot see why and how she is doing something. It is at the limits of her knowledge and competency and a real challenge to her sense that she is able to deal with the everyday demands of modern life. It may be relevant that she is dyslexic, though super competent at many complex activities.
Two questions then:
Does anyone have a similar experience?
What have you done about it?