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Tattoos

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Original poster

How to tell your parents you have a tattoo (when you're 42 and a half)

35 replies

youvedonewhat · 02/02/2022 21:22

At the beginning of January I got my first tattoo. I had been thinking about it for a long time. My parents don't like tattoos but they haven't come up in conversation for years and, as I'm in my 40s, they probably think there's no longer any danger their DD will do anything as silly as that. More problematically, my mum suffers from crippling health anxiety and believes that all tattoo studios are riddled with covid, TB and HIV.

I want to break it to them gently. How did you tell your disapproving parents about your tattoo? And how do you wish you'd told them?!

(Google isn't much help with inspiration - the internet tells me to beg forgiveness and expect to be grounded and have my pocket money taken away.)

OP posts:
jytdtysrht · 02/02/2022 21:24

Why do you want to tell them? It is obvious?

Aquamarine1029 · 02/02/2022 21:24

Is it visible? Do you really have to tell them? If it's visible, can't they simply just see it for themselves?

FrugalFrancine · 02/02/2022 21:26

I got a tattoo at 22 and my mum saw it and told my dad. Otherwise they wouldn't have known! My grandma died, many years later, never knowing about my tattoo. If it isn't visible, don't tell them. If it is visible, you won't have to tell them 🤷‍♀️

Original poster
youvedonewhat · 02/02/2022 21:26

It's on my arm and is visible when I'm not wearing long sleeves or roll them up. I want to give them some warning so they don't just see it and freak out.

OP posts:
tiredanddangerous · 02/02/2022 21:29

I've got 3 tattoos and my parents don't know about any of them Grin

My 44 year old sister smokes and they don't know that either.

FrugalFrancine · 02/02/2022 21:31

It's a bit weird if they do freak out. My mum was a massive snob about tattoos, but even she could see that freaking out over a permanent tattoo would be utterly futile. I couldn't be arsed with a big sit down chat over a tattoo! Unless it says "my mum is an old trout" or something.

Aquamarine1029 · 02/02/2022 21:57

And what if they "freak out?" The sky won't fall. I think telling them at your age is kind of odd and really unnecessary. They don't have to like your choices.

bellabride · 02/02/2022 22:19

I recently had my first tattoos at aged 57. Three which cover my full stomach, so not on show. I haven’t told my elderly DM, because I think she would disapprove and I don’t want negative, narrow minded opinions which might mar the pleasure which I’ve taken from having them done. I might or might not tell her one day.

Warblerinwinter · 02/02/2022 22:21

Don’t tell them. Wear long sleeves. Please. As a mum of adults, I don’t want to know

Warblerinwinter · 02/02/2022 22:26

@FrugalFrancine

It's a bit weird if they do freak out. My mum was a massive snob about tattoos, but even she could see that freaking out over a permanent tattoo would be utterly futile. I couldn't be arsed with a big sit down chat over a tattoo! Unless it says "my mum is an old trout" or something.
It’s not weird. It’s a parenteral response that you’ve messed up your beautiful skin with some permanent drawing that can’t ever be removed. Same response as when you were 5 and scrawled across the new paintwork or took a chunk out of the kitchen worktop. You’ve ruined all our hard work to protect your skin from damage during childhood Cut us some slack please. Don’t call us weird.
Aria2015 · 02/02/2022 22:32

Tell them you've got 20 tattoos and just as they're reeling from that, tell them that you're only joking and that you only have 1! Might work... 😬

Fearnyleaves · 02/02/2022 22:35

I don't see why you need to tell them. I got mine between 19 and 29. I didn't think to pre warn them I was getting a tattoo. It was nothing to do with them. They didn't own your body.

IAmSantaOhYesIAm · 02/02/2022 22:39

Isn’t it strange that as grown adults we still somehow seek our parents approval and don’t want to upset or disappoint them?!!
You might be surprised at their reaction - they might like it! But if not then as a grown up you’ve chosen to have a tattoo - they can’t do anything about it, they don’t have to like it but it is what it is.
And if they take your pocket money away then throw yourself on the floor and scream!

Aquamarine1029 · 02/02/2022 23:13

@Warblerinwinter

Don’t tell them. Wear long sleeves. Please. As a mum of adults, I don’t want to know
This is very interesting to me. I'm a parent of two adult children, I don't like tattoos that much, but if my adult children decided to get one, or many, I would simply deal with it. I have no say as to what they decide to do with their body.

Are you saying your feelings towards your children would change because of a tattoo?

Fearnyleaves · 02/02/2022 23:30

@Warblerinwinter 'messed up your beautiful skin!' Don't be hysterical! You don't own your childrens skin.

LuckyMeISeeGhosts · 03/02/2022 01:01

@Warblerinwinter

Don’t tell them. Wear long sleeves. Please. As a mum of adults, I don’t want to know
Pathetic.
NoSquirrels · 03/02/2022 01:08

I’d just let them freak out when they eventually see it, TBH.

It seems like there’s no way they won’t freak out anyway so why bother? Surely if their main issue is infection or whatnot it’s better to say “Oh this - yes I had it done 6 months ago” because then it’s obvious you’re absolutely fine from the experience, no ill effects.

NoSquirrels · 03/02/2022 01:14

But if you’re determined to tell them I’d say “gently” and looking for the ideal way to broach it is not helpful because direct and to the point is always going to be better:

“Mum, I got a tattoo on my arm that I’ve been thinking about for a long time. I know you don’t like them so I didn’t want to surprise you by finding out when you see it one day. It’s of [fill in design] and I’m really pleased with it.”

MadisonAvenue · 03/02/2022 01:26

I have a couple of tattoos on my back and a small one on my wrist. I’m 52 and the first one was done about 18 years ago, the second plus the small wrist one was done 12 years ago and up until now my parents haven’t seen them. They’re elderly and have strong, old fashioned disapproving views about tattoos on women and I don’t need their lectures. It was bad enough when I got my ears pierced for the second and third times, and a nose piercing when I was 32 really pushed them over the edge.

LancaLass · 03/02/2022 01:41

I'd love a tattoo but too scared of the permanece! My daughter wants one but she is an adult now so it's up to her. But do what you think is best. If you want one go for it!

Original poster
youvedonewhat · 03/02/2022 07:19

I know it's my body and my choice, which is why I've made the choice myself and had it done. I can't keep it secret forever, it's absolutely not practical to keep it hidden for all eternity. My sleeves get rolled up the moment I start on the washing up.

To those of you who say, who cares if they freak out? And, "messing up your beautiful skin" is a "hysterical" reaction. Well, my mum can be hysterical and she may well see her child differently as a result. I know she "shouldn't" react that way to stuff, but she does. It's not her fault, it's all part of her anxiety. And I have some compassion! I love my mum and I don't want her to feel bad.

I think the tack of being direct and adding that I'm pleased with it is sensible, as is what PP said about waiting six months so it's really obvious I haven't immediately developed leprosy or whatever her current anxiety is about.

OP posts:
WeBuiltCisCityOnSexistRoles · 06/02/2022 02:08

Well let's hope Warblerinwinter isn't one of your parents Grin Seriously though, they may surprise you and be OK with it? You're old enough to make choices about your own body and tattoos are quite mainstream these days. @NoSquirrels wording/suggestion is a good idea. Could you text or email them first maybe so it's not an immediate argument. I would gently say though that parents who immediately argue/act like knobs to their DC in their 40s for choices like this, perhaps need to be set straight about the parental role?

(My own fear about my own DCs getting tattoos was getting them done by a shit artist, or rushing into getting some £20 walk in flash or getting something they would regret later (god knows we don't always like the same stuff in later life that we love at 18!) so I just advised them on things like placement/potential cover ups, saving up a good sum of money for decent ones and helped research styles and good tattoo artists - it helps that these have long waiting lists so nothing is rushed into. I love their tattoos (not all my DC have them) and I love mine too.

My DC (and I!) still have beautiful skin, and now it has artwork on it! My parents probably were a bit Confusedbut they were realistic and actually our tattoos are good, so would be hard to criticise  Wink so they were kind and complimentary.

Any photo @youvedonewhat or is too outing? Smile

EveryFlightBeginsWithAFall · 06/02/2022 02:22

I'd just mention it before you see them then. Give them a bit of time to get used to it.

I really don't understand people being so upset about what their adult children do with their own skin though.

WeBuiltCisCityOnSexistRoles · 06/02/2022 02:24

Sorry that came across much more harshly than I intended (Warblers comments annoyed me).

I understand your mum just isn't being snobby etc and has genuine concerns. I meant my post to show I also had parental concerns but worked with it, but it looks like I just called your parents knobs. Sorry.

To help set her mind at rest, could you show her (depending where you are ofc) that your studio is accredited with your council and that covers premises/equipment etc. I think each council has different "schemes" and requirements, but the details may be reassuring to her?

ShippingNews · 06/02/2022 02:38

I'm probably your parent's age - when my DD got her first tattoo she was about 30, and now at 41 she has many . I suppose I was a bit taken aback when she showed me her first one, but really it's not my body and not my business. I'm sure your parents will be OK about it after the first little shock ! The pp about waiting for a few months is a good one - that way you can say "Oh I got it done in January, and haven't had any bad reactions " , so your Mum will understand that there is no need to be worried about it. Good luck !