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Tattoos

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Original poster

Dealing with negativity

26 replies

Eekdatingisntfun · 24/07/2019 07:42

I have loved tattoos for many many years, but never got any as my family are very against tattoos.

I turn 30 next year and in the last year I’ve thought, stuff it...I’m going to finally do what I want and got a large shoulder tattoo and I’m planning many more. I love the look and everything about tattoos.

But the negativity from my family is getting me down. I have to cover up around them otherwise my mum constantly grimaces and shows her disgust.

I don’t want it to put me off getting more...but it’s making me feeling a bit rubbish. How do you deal with any negativity?

OP posts:
barbaramillicentr · 24/07/2019 07:51

I just laugh it off now. I have 22 tattoos with plans to get more and I can cover them when necessary (arms, thighs, shoulders, calf, wrist etc) and people are often quite rude when I wear clothes that are more revealing about how many there are.

I love them. Put up and shut up. Nothing is offensive or rude on me, they're just lovely works of art.

pictish · 24/07/2019 07:59

Well to be fair, ‘lovely works of art’ is subjective because many tattoos are actually a bit shit imo. Not that I’d dream of saying so to anyone who was jolly pleased with theirs.
Anyway OP, yanbu...it’s your tattoo, you like it and they have to accept it now rather than continue to be rude. It doesn’t matter that they are against tattoos, it’s not their shoulder. It’s bloody ill-mannered and overbearing of them to keep on about it. Say so!

notatwork · 24/07/2019 08:00

I'm a Mum who doesn't like tattoos.
I can't help my reaction (though I do try) but I told my son that he's an adult and its his decision. He doesn't need my approval. I'm not going to like it but he still should make his own decision.

I'll say the same to you OP. Your DM isn't going to like it. She is never going to like it. She may not be able to stop herself making comments but that's her problem not yours. If you want tattoos then go for it. Being an adult is about weighing the consequences and doing what is best/what you want. btw I know that's more patronising than I intend but speaking as if I were the Mum IYKWIM.

pictish · 24/07/2019 08:17

“She may not be able to stop herself making comments but that's her problem not yours.“

You see I disagree with this. She can stop herself. If she chooses not to (and it is a choice) then she’ll suffer the consequences...most likely a notable disconnect with her daughter who is in no way obliged to present herself for the ongoing critique.
No, mum needs to accept and behave.

sheshootssheimplores · 24/07/2019 08:30

I really used to like tattoos but as they’ve become so mainstream they do seem to have cheapened the look in my mind. I do still like a sleeve in a woman, but an adhoc mismatch of tattoos sprinkled around don’t look good. Not do ones on the kegs or chest.

PullingMySocksUp · 24/07/2019 08:33

Gosh that’s rude of them! I don’t like tattoos but would never ever comment on someone’s. Especially once they’re had them done!

PullingMySocksUp · 24/07/2019 08:34

Sorry, didn’t actually answer your question. I’ve no idea how to deal with it, but wanted to reassure you that their reaction is unusual.

ElspethFlashman · 24/07/2019 08:36

I generally covered up with my Mum.

She was actually pretty nice about them considering her generation and was very respectful. But her eyes would follow my tattoos around the room! She couldn't stop staring! And I'd be bracing for the inevitable : "Just don't get one in your breast, will you?"

I just didn't want the attention.

Even now at my work do's, I choose dresses with high backs. I just can't be arsed with the stares.

That's not to say I regret any of them - I'm planning more! But I don't have any on my arms cos I like the option of being able to cover them around judgey people.

Original poster
Eekdatingisntfun · 29/07/2019 17:38

Thank you all.

I find it so rude and hurtful. Even today my mum said she ‘thought better of me’ (referring to my choice to get tattoos) I told her to stop being so judgmental. I’ve always got on so well with my mum, but I can see this wrecking our relationship Sad

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 29/07/2019 17:41

Your mother is never going to come around in regards to how she feels about your tattoos. It's unfortunate, but it's the truth. The more you get the worse her reaction is going to be I'm afraid.

JohnMcCainsDeathStare · 20/10/2019 15:13

I'm getting around that one by not telling them and letting them find out. It is an abstract piece with a lot of design elements so they might not like it but they will know its 'me' as it where.

speakout · 01/11/2019 22:33

She is being very rude and disrespectful OP.

I am a Mum who dislkies tattoos and have an adult son with a tattoo.
He knows my opinion of tattoos but he alos knows that I respect his right to make his own choices.
I rarely mention it, and never in a disparaging way.
It's his body, his choice.
Thankfully- from my view- it is in a place that is easily covered and he has no interest in having any more.

However if he did, I would accept that also.
It is not my place to criticise or judge.

As parents we tend to see our childrens skin and bodies as perfect somehow- and in no need of alteration- if that makes sense. If any of you can imagine your baby or child with a tattoo. I know that would not happen, but even when we have adult children we retain a lot of the feelings that we had for them when they were young.

RhinoskinhaveI · 02/11/2019 11:24

I would deliberately flaunt it just to wind her up, who cares what she thinks you're an adult you can do what you like

AnnaMagnani · 02/11/2019 11:31

Can you get her to agree not to talk about it. She's said her piece and you've heard it, you've made your feelings clear too and you aren't going to agree but you still love each other. But if she goes on and on and on it will come between you as you are an adult now and can make choices different to hers.

I used to have this with my DM about my weight. I wouldn't be through the front door before she had made a comment about how I needed to lose weight.

After a bitter period of me calling her out every single time and being v LC she realised she was losing out and there was more to our relationship than how fat I am. Plus also I'd grown up and while I'll always be her baby, I'm an adult too. We are v close now.

ParkheadParadise · 02/11/2019 11:45

My mum was never keen on my tattoos although she didn't go on about them.

Years later when she had dementia, she would always comment, oh parkhead I love your beautiful pictures
After she died I had her rosary beads tattooed down my arm, don't think she would be impressed somehow.

RhinoskinhaveI · 02/11/2019 11:49

If your mum grimaces and expresses disgust that's her problem
you could just as easily declare that you don't like the shape of her ears then grimace and express disgust every time you see them

NerdyCurvyInkedandPervy · 02/11/2019 12:31

It's your body, your choice. Every time she mentions it i think I'd say something along the lines of 'I'm aware of your opinion and I'd rather not discuss it thank you.'

BlobbyTheLump · 02/11/2019 14:38

My mum, god bless her, took me for my first tattoo at 16 (back in the day before they tightened up the rules.)
My dad likes the tattoos, hates piercings and went mad when I got my belly button done at 13.

I did however receive an extremely foul comment when I work once.
I have one on my foot, which feeds to my ankle.
It was roasting hot so I was wearing sandals and one of the women in my office (early 60s if it's relevant) kept staring.
She saw me getting more and more pissed off and decided to pipe up with 'You do realise that tattoos were a sign for a prostitute back a long way. You'd have been open for business.)
I was livid and, unashamedly, went absolutely nuclear.
She never did it again.

RhinoskinhaveI · 02/11/2019 15:26

you could have just said, 'I'm not old enough to remember but you clearly know all about being on the game back in the old days'

RhinoskinhaveI · 02/11/2019 15:27

....you could then ask her what she charged for her services and what tattoo she used to signify her profession:)

BlobbyTheLump · 04/11/2019 11:45

@RhinoskinhaveI That would've been brilliant! At the time I was so furious I just couldn't stop the words from spilling out.
I didn't even have chance to think.

KnickerBockerAndrew · 04/11/2019 11:53

Loads of people dislike tattoos, including younger people. It's kind of trendy to hate them now. Your mother's opinion shouldn't matter that much, and she'd get over it- I think that if your mother's approval is that important to you, as an adult, this is a good chance to try and work out why that is.
I have LOADS of tattoos and my DP's family are v. traditional. Whenever they come up in conversation, I smile and say "I like them" and it doesn't worry me. I get on great with them and they like me, even if they do think I look a bit common!

Potnoodledoo · 16/11/2019 13:11

Just flaunt it and laugh it off.She is looking for a reaction,dont give it to her.

xpc316e · 28/11/2019 09:25

There seems to be quite a few people here who have tattoos and then go on to cover them up when in the presence of people whom they fear will be judgmental. I think that is a pretty clear sign that they were not mentally prepared to have that particular tattoo in that location in the first place.

Squarey85 · 06/12/2019 10:07

I am absolutely covered in tattoos, on my neck I have a couple of small ones on the sides of my face, under my chin..the lot. My son is autistic and my auntie even tried to blame the fact I have tattoos on him being that way. My parents hate them also but I love them and my kids love me and that's all that matters to me..Im 34 btw. I get that it's the constant picking at you but honestly now I just let them have their opinion and then just brush it off! You only live once and you can't live it the way other people want you to wether they be family or not. You go do you!! Xx

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