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Complex situation - what are my options

7 replies

madasamarchbear · 14/07/2020 22:03

I'm in my late 30s and do not yet have a partner but am actively looking for one and still very much hope to have children in the next few years.

I have a number of health conditions that would make carrying a baby very difficult for me, however but nevertheless, until recently thought I would come to have more control over one of these conditions or else find a solution for it entirely. For this reason I froze some eggs a few years ago at a time when I was expecting to be able to carry a pregnancy myself.

I am now coming to believe that this will not be possible and have been thinking about surrogacy as a safer option but if I remember correctly I don't think I will be able to use my frozen eggs with a surrogate as I think they said I had to declare that that was what I intended at the time of freezing them. Can anyone confirm if this is true (I've emailed the clinic but they are taking ages to respond and I'm getting quite stressed).

A friend suggested I might be able to move my eggs to a foreign clinic which may allow surrogacy as an option and I've been trying to work out what the laws, regulations and rules are but I'm getting completely lost! Can anyone advise?

And if I were to opt for surrogacy at some point in the future, how many people actually find a surrogate to partner with? The last time I read about this it sounded like most people don't find anyone.

OP posts:
Dizzywizz · 15/07/2020 07:23

I know nothing I’m afraid op, but giving you a bump.

madasamarchbear · 15/07/2020 11:35

Thank you Dizzywizz - all bumps appreciated!

OP posts:
TwocatsandaPotatoPatch · 15/07/2020 17:06

I suggest you contact the HFEA and ask them what the rules are.

HFEA figures for 2018 have recently been released. These will help you decide if there is any likelihood of success with your frozen eggs.

OhHolyJesus · 15/07/2020 19:27

I also think the HFEA is a good place to start. Apart from getting the news from the horses mouth, they aren't financially benefitting in any way. I'm not sure they can also advise you on whether you can obtain a parental order as a single parent though. I would look into that too.

I'd be very wary of foreign clinics and going down that route to potentially side step Uk law. Apart from anything else will you be able to trust that your eggs will be the eggs used for implantation? There have been cases in Ukraine, as one example, where that didn't happen. Have you looked into the laws and processes in other countries and the costs?

The government website has advice on surrogacy and you can look up more on Surrogacy U.K.

It's an expensive process OP, particularly if you consider overseas visits, for implantation and if you are thinking of using a foreign surrogate mother, and visits for scans etc. I hope I'm not being rude in asking, but do you have funds and emotional support to enter into this as a single person? Do you have a sperm donor donating for free or have looked into buying the sperm too?

madasamarchbear · 19/07/2020 19:14

Thank you to TwoCats and "OhHolyJesus* - I will contact the HFEA.

I'm not looking to go into this as a single parent OhHolyJesus - I will only go ahead if I find a partner and I'm working very hard on finding a partner! I have some money saved up myself and I will keep saving. I have a few years to save some more I think.

I also want to avoid Ukraine at all costs as I too have read bad things about it (although I had no idea you might end up with a child that wasn't even genetically yours!). If I went abroad I'd want somewhere where the woman wasn't doing it as a way out of poverty. It's all so complex in so many ways though so I can see I have a lot of reading to do!

OP posts:
OhHolyJesus · 20/07/2020 17:24

Just as it's relevant OP, I've been reading today about how women will turn to egg donation and surrogacy due to financial problems as a result of Covid.

In the U.K. you can only claim reasonable expenses but I still think it's a way of reducing your personal bills as healthy food (and take away food when you're tired from the pregnancy) and transport can be included.

I also find it hard to believe that surrogacy expenses for the pregnancy can stretch as far as £20k, the Telegraph once quoted £60k!

I imagine you're are under a lot of personal pressure to find a partner and hope to embark on this soon after, but your partner would need to agree and be informed of all the processes and pitfalls too.

There's a lot to consider.

madasamarchbear · 21/07/2020 03:00

Thanks OhHolyJesus, yes, there is indeed a lot to consider. I really appreciate your input and will be reading a lot more about it over the coming months.

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