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Same sex surrogacy dilemma

1 reply

Nightnurse12 · 03/07/2019 19:33

Ok so a bit of background. A few years ago (3.5l my sister and her partner (lesbians) who at the time had 2 children approached my partner and I (gays) offering to be an egg donor (my sister) and a surrogate (her wife).

My partner and I went to the GP and got an appointment at a fertility clinic. Rules start that you cant be a smoker so we both quit (and never went back) as we were so committed to building a family. We had initial counciling and an appointment booked to test my partner's sperm. The clinic also needed my sister and her wife to attend counciling. Anyway long story short, my sister said she was never contacted, but later admitted she had been, but her mental health was bad and she couldn't go through with it. Absolutely heart broken we were. It felt like our gay version of a miscarriage.

Since this time she has improved, and 'you will be parents' has been kind of said by them many times, but they then said they went done having kids. Anyway, she ended up having her 3rd baby (my gawjus nephew), and said as soon as she heals from her c-section they will restart the process. Further into talks, they now say after christmas, because we have a family holiday in November and my sisters wife isnt going, and she doesnt want her wife being pregnant while were away.

It feels like a carrot on a stick again, we've said before that we dont want children, but this is just a coping mechanism for the pain of the first attempt that fell through. My sister sad I should understand why she didnt go through with it, and I do, but shes been well enough to have another of her own, and were years down the line. My partner now is struggling to trust them to do it again and is hiding in a false I dont want kids anymore.

But it seems like it's always something else, we have no say and it's all in their hands and new rules are added, I feel we have no control except to decline and just focus on our fur babies. I understand they have control, but this is years in the making and now we need to wait until after christmas.

I just dont know if I should trust them, how I can get my partner to trust them, and it's so sensitive, it makes me mad at them and I love my sister and her family immensely, but I cant be out through that hurt again.

We've always wanted our own, sister egg and my partner, so the baby would be biologically related, another wife Carry to try and limit maternal attachment. I dunno what to do Confused

OP posts:
SMurphy91 · 13/07/2019 13:15

It sounds like you need to sit down with your sister and explain that you are ready now. If you discuss the possibility of using a different surrogate and egg donor, your sister shoukd hopefully recognize that you aren't prepared to put it off any longer and either put you out of your misery and agree you should go elsewhere or speed things up for you. A good chat should put everyone's cards on the table so you all know where you stand.

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