Was i crazy to ask family

[spiritchick]

Okay so long story short ive had multiple miscarriages and rainbow babies during my seven years of trying to get pregnant and now been told by the doctor even if I tried ivf or iui it wouldn't work my bodies too poorly and I can't have children. I did have to have key hole surgery in that area and there was after effects from that but I also had severe fertility problems before this. So I turned to my older sister who I'm pretty close with. We weren't as kids( but after being sexually physically and emotionally abused by my dad who I now have zero contact with thank god and loosing our mum and grandparents who are now in heaven ) we are a lot closer now as adults. She has also had two successful pregnancies with my lovely niece and nephew. However she said no and we ended up arguing I felt so guilty and heartbroken for even asking and it ended up with me being completely out of order for even going there. I feel like the worse person on the planet and she even asked people on a forum who agreed with her so I felt really judged by people who don't know me as a person or my life. She knows I've struggled through a heck of a lot in life abuse bereavement chronic conditions even at one point cancer and heart break with a very emotionally abusive ex. She also knows this means and has always meant the absolute world to me yet I have ended up heart broken and flat out feeling and being portrayed like a total crazy bitch for just asking. So I need advice and help. Was I crazy to ask am I literally just a bitch was it out of order to go to her and should I just accept it and learn to live with this ???

You weren't crazy to ask, but you needed to be prepared to get a flat "no" also to have asked in a very sensitive way so she could process the request.

for all crap you've been though

It's not a good idea to ask family to do such a thing for you. One thing if they offer, but a lot of clinics won't allow family to be surrogates for very good reason. Any pregnancy is a risk and she has two children to be here for.

Move on and try to find a non-related surrogate.

It’s probably not a good idea for lots of reasons. Not unreasonable to ask, but very unreasonable to expect

You weren’t unreasonable to ask, she wasn’t unreasonable to say no. If you were upset when she did, then I can understand her seeking some reassurance from strangers that she wasn’t being horrible. Don’t take their responses to heart.

Surrogacy is a huge thing, especially for family, since the likelihood of feeling a strong bond for the baby and not being able to let it go are even higher. She is being sensible saying no.

You haven’t done anything wrong. She hasn’t done anything wrong. I can understand why you both feel sad about this at the moment. When you feel able to, you should offer an Olive-branch. Tell her you completely understand why she has said no, and you respect that, and that you are sad at the situation, not angry at her.

You have a great relationship, it’s taken a knock, but you can mend that. It’s such an emotional subject, I’m so sorry you’ve been through so much, but this would always have been a difficult path, even if she said yes. In fact, saying yes would probably end up doing more damage to your relationship in the long run.

Take some time to heal and then look at further options maybe

You weren't crazy to ask but people feel very differently about this and to be honest, she was well within her rights to say no. It wouldn't be something you could expect anyone to do for you. Plenty of people have done it and it's worked out but the idea has to come from the family member really.