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Original poster

Can’t get past the guilt

13 replies

NameThisSong · 04/04/2025 21:57

When I was around 10/12, I got a rabbit; shortly after, we got a second. When i look back, I realise that they had a really horrible life.

They got all the essentials - fresh food and water twice a day, new bedding at least once a week, but other than that, I failed them. They lived in hutches without external runs and I only got them out to run out in the garden about once a month or so, maybe even less in the winter. The garden wasn’t secure and it took several people to catch them to get them back.

I was also a little afraid of them. I feared their strong back legs so didn’t handle them much.

I can’t get past the guilt of how badly I treated them. They deserved so much better and it was shocking what I did. I should have realised they had an awful life with me and given them away, but it’s only now I’m so much older that I see how bad it was.

i am so very sorry, sweet boys.

OP posts:
Eyesopenwideawake · 04/04/2025 22:01

You didn't know then, you do now. That's what's called learning - you won't do again. We don't get to decide when our life lessons hit us but we can change as a result. Be kind to yourself lovie.

ThePlatypusAlwaysTriumphs · 04/04/2025 22:05

I'm a vet. I had a rabbit as a child aged 10, exactly as you describe. I also had other rabbits over the years.
Now I realise how hard it is to provide a sirable environment for rabbits as pets. Like you , I'll never have another, and I feel guilty. I should have known better than anyone. But it's good to realise these things and not keep perpetuating the cycle. In the grand scheme of things we did the best we could with the knowledge we had at the time.

RussetGold · 04/04/2025 22:14

Oh, bless you, that’s a sad post! But, forgive yourself, you were a child…

Perhaps doing something for an animal charity or giving a rescue pet a loving home would help you to move forward -
and would be a way of honouring your boys…

Original poster
NameThisSong · 04/04/2025 22:24

You are all so kind. I just wish I could apologise to them. I have two rescue cats now and they are my world - my everything. The thought that I inadvertently caused two creatures, not dissimilar from these, so much suffering is unbearable.

I wish I could make it better.

@ThePlatypusAlwaysTriumphs: I had never even heard of a house rabbit? The idea that they could be treated almost like a cat or dog, rather than some semi-wild creature, didn’t really occur to me at the time. I’m not sure how widespread it was. Also, you weren’t a vet at the time.

OP posts:
MidnightMeltdown · 05/04/2025 00:28

It wasn’t your fault, you were a child. This was entirely the fault of your parents who should have ensured that the animals were properly looked after.

Sleepeazie · 05/04/2025 00:38

@NameThisSong even your parents probably had no idea. Pet
ownership
/responsibility etc has changed so much
over the last 20+ years. So how could you?

You need to forgive yourself for you didn’t sin. A sin is a thought out act, or one you can be reasonably expected to know is wrong.

back when I grew up, pets got scraps, no walks and never saw a vet’s.m

We’ve come a long way.

SquashedMallow · 05/04/2025 00:40

Goodness. Please give your sweet self a break.

You were just a child. You didn't actively abuse them did you ? They had clean food and water and bedding. They weren't actually harmed. Maybe just suboptimal "roaming". But surely you had parents who were ultimately responsible for those arrangements?

Anyway, they had an adequate life at the worst. Not a poor one.

Fortunately for little animals they don't have the ability to wallow or contemplate a "better life". They would have just acclimatised to what they had.

You've got a damn good heart to care so much. But let this bother you no longer. Put it to bed. Enjoy the gorgeous cats !

jellyfishperiwinkle · 05/04/2025 00:45

We got our first kitten from a pet shop! I was 8. She was a lovely cat and lived until I was 26, but having had cats since I realised how traumatised she must have been from that early experience, as particularly the cats I have now who came from a nice home are so much more chilled out.

When I had a hamster as a student I just felt like a jailer the whole time and resolved never to have a caged pet again.

Guineapiglet2 · 05/04/2025 15:55

You were a child, blame your parents for the miserable life the rabbits had.

MyRabbit79 · 05/04/2025 16:02

Omg I have exactly the same guilt! To the extent that I still sometimes dream about the rabbit, that I’ve forgotten about him and he’s died and so on. Ours had a similar life to yours, he ran around the house sometimes when the weather was bad but spent a lot of time in his hutch alone.

Colourbrain · 09/04/2025 10:00

I just wanted to echo everyone else, you were a child. I get so angry when I hear adults telling me how poorly their children look after pets, the adults are always responsible. They are the ones who will have the difficult conversations at the vet, they are the ones who take responsibility and should be overseeing the pet. It wasn't on you. Pet ownership has changed massively like people have said and we treat animals very differently now.

Zedania73 · 31/05/2025 17:15

I can totally relate, I am in the same position and I was about your age. When I have one of my sleepless nights, fretting about the past and worrying about the future, that's one of the things I think about.

However, 12 year olds can't be trusted with the sole responsibility of looking after pets, so it's a bit on our parents as well. My daughter is already 20 and got 2 rabbits 2 years ago, roaming freely in her room (they are litter trained). When she is busy with Uni, which is quite often, I am cleaning them out and looking after them. But I signed up for that when we got them and I don't mind.

Also it's good that you had two of them, company is what they need most apart from food and a reasonably clean hutch. A rabbit friend is more important to them than human contact.

I treat my pets really well now, better than anybody else I know I dare say, and I'm trying to educate others to do so as well. I firmly believe they are in heaven now and so happy that whatever happened on earth doesn't matter to them anymore.

MoggetsCollar · 31/05/2025 17:28

Times were different and there wasn't the general knowledge about how to keep rabbits humanely. People's memories were of keeping rabbits 'for the pot' that wouldn't have been thought of as pets.

In the early 80s, I had a rabbit and a guinea pig in a hutch together. Nothing was thought to be wrong about that. We also had a dog that my sister (as a young teenager) bought from a pet shop window on her way home from school!

Fortunately, information on animal care is now much better.

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