Mikey has gone to the great hamster wheel in the sky. How do I break it to dd?

[ShowOfHands]

Mikey was dd's first pet and much adored.

We've known for a while that he was an old man. He's lightened in colour, didn't use his wheel anymore and was just a little quieter. Still a happy, friendly, lovely little boy who sat by his door and waited for cuddles.

DD is 8 years old and has no experience of bereavement at all. DH has reminded me that this is all part of owning a pet and it will be a steep but healthy learning curve.

Right now I can see why people tell nonsense lies about farms. I'd never do that but I can't quite make my mouth form the words without sobbing.

Shall I leave it and distract her so she doesn't want to play with him later? I'm just thinking that she has school to get through tomorrow and telling her on a Friday evening might be easier.

tell her the truth or you risk not having her trust you with serious news again.

avoid use of the word "sleep" you want to give no changes of her thinking he might wake up.

tell her he was very old for a hamster and sadly he died.

Dd was distraught when we lost her guinea pig but she helped bury him and drew a lovely picture to stick on the box.

but it's better to tell the truth

so sorry

I would never, ever not tell her the truth and I will be absolutely clear that he has died. I don't like that whole 'sleep' thing at all.

We've been cautiously mentioning over the last few months that he is a very old man and tired. She is a sensible, pragmatic 8 year old and she will know the second I sit her down and mention Mikey. Her best friend's hamster died last year and so she's seen how upsetting it is and I'm hoping they'll be able to talk to each other. They're sensible, mature girls and share absolutely everything so maybe telling her tonight is a good thing in a way as she'll have a friend to help her through it tomorrow.

He's in a box and I'll get dd to write a note to him and draw a picture.

Poor old Mikey. He was curled up, seemingly asleep just like every morning.

Oh dear. I feel very tearful.

We're going to the cat rescue with my brother and his two DC on Saturday. Their cat was killed a few months ago and they're ready for a new one. I am a little concerned that in dd's grief, she'll see the cats there and well, DH would be cross if we came home with a cat.

aw bless you.

It's amazing how even the small pets are so significant in our lives.

Oh bless Definitely tell her today - give her plenty of opportunity to grieve as she needs. Make sure you let school know tomorrow so they can support her if she isn't feeling herself.
Hamsters have a way of weaseling their way into even the hardest of hearts so it will be tough but is an important step to coping with other bereavements. We had a full funeral with neighbours invited, order of service and specially written readings and songs. We were all in tears at the end but dd (now 12) still talks about it and how hammy was given a proper send off!

Cats are nice!!!

yes I would definitely tell her tonight. Also, will you be getting another one? perhaps say that you can go to the pet shop tomorrow after school and get a new hamster? I know it seems soon for adults but for children moving on is often made easier when they have a new pet to love.

. To be fair ds is nearly thirteen now though.

She has a big school trip tomorrow that she's very excited about. I don't want to ruin it. I really don't know whether to wait and tell her tomorrow evening.

We will definitely be getting a new hammy. Probably at the weekend. Instead of a cat.

I do love cats. DH doesn't love cats.

This might sound weird but are you absolutely certain that Mikey is dead and not hibernating? DD's current hamster started trying to hibernate this week and we thought she was dead but we were able to revive her with a hot water bottle (wrapped in a towel) and some sugar dissolved in water dropped onto her mouth. Our previous hamster did this 7 times until he actually died at the grand age of 4.

In the nicest possible way, I hope he's dead or putting him in the freezer was a bad idea.

He was absolutely unmoving. I picked him up, put him on the side while I cleaned out his cage and found a shoebox etc.

I'm almost certain.

You've worried me now though.

Oh no. What if he wasn't dead?

Relax, read your own OP Mikey definitely died. RIP Mikey beloved hamster of ShowOfHands

Tell DD today. Yes she will cry but she can talk to her friend who has been through it and that will help. Tomorrow she will be fine for her school trip.

Do have a funeral for Mikey. Dig a deep hole so a fox/cat doesn't dig him up.

There was an injured bird in the garden last week. In the time it took me to get a blanket for it (we have a rescue centre down the road), a cat had got it. The garden was full of feathers. I will dig a very, very deep hole.

He was definitely dead wasn't he?

My parents have just nipped round and they reckon I shouldn't tell her and risk ruining her trip tomorrow.

Oh I just don't know.

Absolutely tell her tonight. You'll feel better when you've told her and it's not going to make it any easier for her if you put it off. Tell her as soon as she gets home from school. It won't ruin her trip tomorrow - the trip might help cheer her up. If her class are anything like my DDs class were at that age, the kids love a 'dead pet crisis' - whenever a bereaved child came into school, they were the centre of attention and all the kids had a 'dead pet' story. On reflection, maybe that class were particularly morbid!

Plan a funeral with her. This helped us when a much loved rabbit died. My DDs organised and conducted a funeral for her which they took very seriously, but ended up being really funny. Kids can be a lot more accepting of death than adults. It took me a while to come to terms with the rabbits death, it took my kids about 2 hours!

I was all set to tell her but she's come home full of tales of the harvest festival and so SO excited about tomorrow's trip. She wants to be an archaeologist and they're going on a neolithic discovery day and learn about local archaeology and history. She's been reading up about it for weeks and I've totally chickened out because I don't want to ruin something she's built up in her head.

I fully expect her to handle it brilliantly and I'm going to let her do a little funeral.

I'm really torn.