Has anybody stayed with their partner after finding out they have a gambling problem

[Applefall321]

Looking for input of others experiences, have long suspected my partner has a gambling problem but today it has been confirmed after looking at his gambling account online (left it signed in on the laptop). He has spent £1200 in 11 days.

Have spoken over the phone to him about my discovery and he has said we will discuss it tonight but agrees he has a problem.

I strongly suspect everyone will say just leave him. For context, we have a 3 year old child together so it is not so easy to split and on that front he is a good father. He hasn't spent any of my money and has always contributed equally to our bills etc in our joint account.

Just looking to see has anybody been in a situation where a loved one has dealt with their gambling problem and if so what steps did they take?

I wouldn't stay with a gambling man if I had a 3-year-old daughter.

Sorry OP. It won't get better. 1200 pounds thrown down the drain is an horrendous amount of money.

Take it from me. Solo parenting is so much better than the head space needing to deal with something like that.

Hi thank you so much for your response.

I do hear what you are saying but I do think given this is the only problem we have and he has admitted he has a problem and wants help to sort it I do feel I should give him a chance first. We have agreed that he will now pay all his wages into the joint account, he has cut up his personal current account card and credit card and has also shown his credit score, so I know he hasnt accumulated a lot of debt. It is a ridiculous amount of money to throw down the drain but it was his own disposable income/savings he spent.

My concern is he has refused to go to counselling or gamblers anonymous, he seems to think these measures will be enough to break the habit.

I may regret my decision not to split but I just feel it is unfair to not give us a chance since we get along in every other area in life. And from a somewhat selfish perspective, I dont want to not see my DC everyday 😢.

I think one chance is acceptable if they are making you happy in every other area. I’d want lots of boundaries and ground rules though.

Looking at the amount of threads over the years about DPs who gamble I would say a lot of Women do stay. Whether that’s a good idea and they live to regret the choice is an entirely different matter.

And I don’t see it as his money. If you are in a relationship and have a DC together then it’s family money that he’s gambled away. Money that could of been used for a better home, savings or a break for you all.

I was in a very similar situation and we did break up due to his gambling and not financially contributing to childcare fees but he did contribute to other bills. However I then found out he was dipping his wages per month and had credit on PayPal etc.

last night I discovered he has been betting again for around one week when I’ve told him not too. I genuinely think they need to recognise they have an issue and be willing to address and in my position I’m left just reliving it again and back in the same position feeling disappointed and hurt and betrayed.

I hope your situation improves.

I didn't stay with someone who had a gambling addiction, however, he had other addictions and I stayed and it destroyed my own mental health. It was the LIES that are worse than the addiction. Not being able to trust them, it eats you alive and I think it destroys your trust in general not just with your partner.

You start to question everything because if someone who is meant to love you can lie so easy to you, then anyone is capable of this.
Even years after he passed away, I still struggle to trust people and I think I would rather believe someone is lying to me than let someone in to actually believe that they are telling me the truth, just incase, one day they let me down as well.

I’m sorry to hear you had that experience and I can relate in terms of the mental health I had to take time off my work for around a month due to stress and anxiety not only due to him but other aspects of life being hectic.

I do love him and i genuinely don’t want us to raise our kids separated I never ever wanted that for our kids but what other alternative is there.

I hope one day you learn to trust and there is good people out there.

It's a really hard situation isn't it. They say you have to hit your rock bottom though.
I genuinely would rather stay single than ever love an addict again.

I don't understand how the gambling industry is allowed to be as big as it is. It's such an easy addiction to get yet it's legally in front of you everywhere you turn and I think there's a LOT of pressure on men especially from each other.

From a different perspective, I was the person with the gambling addiction in my marriage. And I was badly addicted.
I spoke to my husband openly and honestly once I had decided I couldn’t go on like it. I did this having accepted that it could end my marriage. He had no idea of my problem.
He did stick by me, but it was me that did the work. So it is possible, but he isn’t going to stop it for you. If he is serious he needs to give you full control of the finances and set himself up with Gamstop and GamBan. Also accessing his credit report. I will say that wanting to stop and willpower are not enough to overcome an online gambling addiction, it needs to be physically impossible to do it. If he is visiting bookies, he needs to self exclude.
I have been free for about 1.5 years now, and no intentions of relapsing, but I have all the controls still in place and lifetime exclusions with online casinos.
I wish you both all the best. Make sure you’re looking after yourself too, and know it is ok to be angry!

Thanks for your response and your honest and it appears you have recognised your part and taken the necessary steps to address the issue. I just feel he isn’t taking the responsibility and has done this to me again when I said let’s be open and transparent with each other. It’s not so much the gambling which is of course an issue for me but it’s the going behind my back the secrets the lies.

then to make matters worse he has left me feeling like this is my fault and I’ll be the one ripping our family apart when that’s definitely not what I want but I feel I have been disrespected for the fourth time.

I think it gets to the point I need to recognize and value my own mental health and I feel I don’t want to have to deal with this. He makes me feel he is a financial risk and makes me wants to squirrel away money for myself to protect me to ensure I am financially secure enough to do it without him.

he has also just phoned me acting like nothing has happened which makes me more angry.

i wish you well x

I’m so sorry it’s still on going.
It sounds like he isn’t owning it. Please know that it’s not your fault.
It is an awful illness which turns you in to a different person. I hated myself and what I was doing and it broke me.
You are right when you feel he’s a financial risk. Please put yourself first and keep yourself healthy for you and your children.
I wish you only good things, please look after yourself xx