Codeine addiction has destroyed my Mum

[DancingtoDisney]

I'm not sure what I'm looking for here - support, advice, understanding maybe? I'm at a loss and I can't cope anymore with the constant heartbreak my Mum's life brings me and my family. My Mum has been addicted to codeine for most of her adult life, and I've never known her any other way. She was first prescribed it at the age of 13 to help treat her ulcerative colitis, at that time it was pretty unrestricted as it wasn't quite clear just how addictive a drug it is. Once that became apparent it was already too late.

Since then, she has sought out codeine in any form - she has put my Dad and her in so much debt as she has spent thousands of pounds on over-the-counter Ibuprofen and drugs in a bid to quell the addiction. She will drive miles and miles to pharmacies and chemists to buy them. In the last three days alone she has spent £100 on tablets.

This has, unsurprisingly, completely destroyed her insides. It is now becoming more and more obvious just how much damage has been done to her body and it is horrendous watching from the outside. You'd only need to look at her to know she is an addict. Looking at her and seeing the damage makes me want to sob and I find it hard to be around her for long periods of time.

My Mum lies without even realising she's doing it - lies about how much she's taken, where she's been, why she spent so long in the bathroom, why there are loose packets and tablets in hiding places, why she's feeling unwell, vomiting, shaking, falling asleep on the spot, slurring her words... The list goes on and on. We have tried everything, so many different therapies and treatments - she's even been to rehab, was clean for a week or so and then straight back to it. She's been on a prescription of subutex to combat things but that just made it all so much worse.

My Dad, whilst dealing with his own poor mental health, has to his credit remained by her side. The impact her addiction has had on him is huge. As children, he tried very hard to shield us from it, but now that we're adults (both me and my sister in our 30s) the damage done to him is more and more apparent. He's told us, the only reason he stays is he fears she'd die if he didn't - and I think this is true. I'll never forget the day he told me this and my heart broke all over again for both of them

Nothing will make her change. I thought once I had my two children she'd do it for them - she adores them but it's not enough. Nothing will ever change it, and I can't cope any more. I don't know how I can carry on watching her slowly wither away and I'm terrified what the next year or so will look like. She's now suffering from stomach ulcers, is skin and bone, hair loss and teeth are ruined. A colonoscopy had flagged up a concern, which I know she's terrified about, and we're all bracing ourselves for the worst.

It is heartbreaking to see how little she values her own life and self. I know she loves me, my sister, my Dad and my children but it's just simply not enough. It has to come from her and it never will. I love and hate my Mum simultaneously - and the conflict this creates has impacted my own mental health. I'm a very anxious person, always have been.

Addiction is a cruel, cruel illness. It's like she's two people - the addict and my Mum. I wouldn't wish it on anyone. Thank you for reading and giving me a safe space to ramble ❤️

Is her GP supporting her or does she have a current addictions worker?

They moved house 4 years ago, to a new GP who haven't been very helpful. But the other issue is she lies to them and refuses to let any of us attend with her. I've rang her GP before and told them she's lying to them. She doesn't have an addiction worker - how would we go about getting this sort of help? She attends a drugs talking therapy at the moment but again, we know she isn't telling the truth and severely minimises her addiction and how much she has been taking

I’m so sorry OP. That sounds awful. The only way you can come to terms with this is to see her as a victim. She is ill. You wouldn’t be angry with her if she had cancer or Parkinson’s. She should not have been put on something so addictive at such a young age. x

I try and remind myself of this daily, she is absolutely a victim and also suffering a lot of generational trauma. Thank you for your kind message x

I am so sorry xx this is so difficult and just awful for you all. Your dad sounds like an amazing man.
There are some support groups for families of addicts which you might find helpful, and maybe going for counselling or similar.
Your mam is basically two people the addict and your mum; she is unwell and the addiction is not a choice, it consumes her. Its very sad that she was put on this medication so young, there is always hope for addicts but not everyone manages to beat addiction either.
I am terribly sorry xx

Just a handhold for you- I’ve been where your mum is (only I didn’t have an illness). It’s such a shame it’s so easy to get codeine in the UK.

sorry to say but your mum has to choose to stop. For me, I woke up one day and decided nope, I’m not driving to chemists before work. I took some tablets that weekend but then told my partner. I also went to the GP so it’s on my file. I was ready to stop and didn’t look back, nearly 3 years later.

its all about the tablets. I know I treated people poorly. You cannot make your mum stop, especially when she does have an illness which she maybe uses to justify the tablets. Look after yourself and don’t expect anything to change unless your mum admits she has a problem and wants to stop them.

I’m so sorry OP didn’t want to read and run. Not quite the same, but my mum was addicted to alcohol and it broke my heart, as there was a my wonderful caring mum and then the alcoholic. When I had my children I had to make the tough decision to refuse to let her see them. Luckily this is what she needed to get help, like previous posters have said it’s so so hard to beat. It’s been a long road now but she is doing much better now. I went to a support group for family, it really helped just to be able to talk to people who know how it feels and to not feel judged.

not sure if this message helps at all but just wanted you to know your not alone and send love and support xx

So sorry for what your family are going through. And for such a long time. I was prescribed this once and the first day I felt absolutely euphoric the second day I was close to killing ex husband. It was so scary I fear taking it again. Not helpful I know but since that time I have had more sympathy for people being addicted to painkillers. I can imagine it's very easy.
Your mum sounds like a nightmare the amount of time this has gone on. I don't mean to be rude but it must be hell for you all.

Adult safeguarding team has an emergency number.
Unfortunately, I have had a bad experience with them because they didn't reply in my case despite me enlisting two people to advocate for me.
I'm sorry this is happening to you 💐

Sounds incredibly hard OP 💐.

It sounds like a living nightmare OP. Truthfully, having been around family members with addiction the only thing you can do is protect yourself from it all and do your best to prop up your Dad. Try and find some local support groups for families of drug addicts - you are all being dragged on this journey with her.

There may come a time when a line needs to be drawn in the sand between you all supporting your Mum and enabling her.

Thank you all for taking time to respond, I was very overwhelmed last night and had a yet another hard conversation with my Dad. Those suggesting no contact, or removing contact with my own children, I have tried both of these things - neither changed anything. If anything, it felt like a punishment on my Dad as it added pressure to him. I feel as though we've tried all avenues, it has to come from her but I'm trying to accept the reality that it most likely never will