Struggling with compassion

[Isthisit2025]

My son is an addict. He has caused me so much hurt and pain. I am isolating myself from people, just going to work and doing only what is necessary for me to function. He has taken my life away from me.

I am struggling with being understanding, letting him walk all over me. I don’t want to be nice to someone who is treating me and my home very very disrespectfully (not physically or verbally abusive) I just want to completely ignore him. I swing from very supportive and understanding to “just keep out of my way” and telling him exactly how he makes me feel.

Is this normal? I am just so conflicted inside.

Nobody has to be compassionate about bad behaviour, doesn’t matter what the cause is.

It sounds like maybe you’re making too many allowances and could do some thinking about where the right boundaries are.

Thank you for that, it helps as I constantly doubt myself.

I have issued boundaries which he ignores. I think this is one of my biggest problems. Without actually throwing him out, I don’t know how I can make him keep to the boundaries.

I hope you find some compassionate advice here from folks who have been in your position. I think that you can hold boundaries/limits with your child without being unkind or unloving. Have you heard the quote from Prentice Hemphill, "Boundaries are the distance at which I can love you and me simultaneously"? Hard to put into practice but good to start trying. Good luck.

You can be supportive and understanding with boundaries, you don’t need to let him walk all over you. If anything, letting him do whatever he wants is enabling his behaviour and addiction.

There’s an organisation called AlAnon which helps families of alcoholics. Nar-anon is for families of drug addicts and Families Anonymous for families of all kinds of addicts. These are all Twelve `step programs on the same model as AA.

Good luck.