Partner not coming home

[YourOchreFox]

I want to begin by saying I dont have children but needed some people who might understand. In the past few months my partner relapsed and began using cocaine. He has a stressful job and last night when he was due to come home, he didnt and slept elsewhere. I know he is stressed but with my messages and calls, i got no response and i was expecting him home between shifts today and he went elsewhere. I believe hes staying with family. I am worried about his safety and not a clue if hes ok and if hes coming back but im nervous. the last known time he used was over 2 weeks ago. id just be grateful for anyone who's been in my shoes before

Him not coming home isn’t good. When I was in your shoes, turns out the reason he wasn’t coming home was because he found someone who enabled/encouraged his drug use and he began cheating on me with her.

It doesn’t mean that yours is cheating by any means, but if he’s not coming home is because he found a sesh spot. Surely if he’s with family you can check in with them?

His family to be blunt dont mind whether or not he is using. I contacted his mum once back when both his closest friends and I couldnt track him down and following this she messaged to say he needs space and not pressure and that she is not willing to tell me if he is or isnt okay on his behalf.

Ive spoken to him once since monday and he pretended to act normal and following it went back to completely ignoring me and my communications. I think I have lost hope

It's not acceptable to just abandon your partner and go off on benders.

I know he basically doesn't want you to see him using and doesn't want to face the criticism, but it's cowardly and makes it worse. As now you're concerned for his welfare as well as suspicious and abandoned.

His mum sounds charming. Not. I guess if he knows he can use at hers with no judgement that's where he'll be.

Maybe that's where he should stay. Locksmiths are expensive on Sundays but it might be worth it...

Sounds like his family is enabling his addiction.
Have you considered getting support for yourself?
When we had drug addiction in our family, I turned to www.famanon.org.uk which is a 12 step programme for the family/friends of somebody with a suspected drug problem.
I had to learn not to enable, detach with love, set boundaries and look after myself.
An addict is unlikely to recover, when their loved ones enable them. They often have to reach rock bottom.

You don't have children and this is your biggest blessing. You need to make a plan to leave. From what you have said about his mum you don't really know if he is sleeping with someone else. I would be getting a full STI check @YourOchreFox.

Do you have a mortgage together? Why doesn't he change jobs?.

As hard as it is, if I were you I’d break up.

Best case scenario, it shocks him into taking action and there’s something worth fixing. Worst case scenario he keeps digging his own grave but at least you’ll be free. As things are right now it’s not a relationship, it’s torture. I’ve been there before and it destroys you emotionally.

Why are you trying to keep someone who uses cocaine and behaves like this? Cut your losses.

I’m so sorry that you’re going through this. It does seem as though he’s unlikely to stop anytime soon.

As others have said i would get yourself checked for STIs and if you’re not reasdure to break up yet, do the 12 step plan suggested above.

I would also advise separating any finances you have with him and doing a credit check on yourself regularly to make sure he hasn’t taken out any cards or loans in your name.

The way he treats you and his family treat you is not ok.

I would be planning to leave this person in the near future, even if the time isn't right just yet. It may be a blessing that you don't yet have children with him because that should make it easier to get away from him and his horrible family who show you no respect so you can't even reach out to them in a crisis.

I do agree with this. I forgot to add in my post to make sure your contraception is rock solid. The last thing you need is to he tied to him and his family for the rest of your life.