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DD age 17 in a abusive relationship.

9 replies

Bananainpyjamas1980 · 19/11/2025 01:48

This is so hard as to where to even start, my dd has turned 17 and has two older siblings in their 30s now , both settled and married with kids.
DD met someone when at school aged 15 through a supposed friend of hers via social media and has become obsessed with him and has turned into a child I don't even recognise anymore.She didn't even finish school and didn't even attempt GCSE's
He has been in the care system since a youngster so clearly it hasn't been an easy ride for him. However my dd is now doing drugs with him, (cocaine, ket , mainly weed .. funded on a massive binge from his benefits which are gone in a weekend!
runs away all the time and yet spends the majority of the time crying over him as he treats her so badly, she has self harmed, has tried to end her life numerous times ( cries for help) and there seems nothing as a family we can seem to do to support her in the right way.
She is finally after two years seeing that his actions are controlled and manipulative but is also scared as the threats to her feel real.
There has been welfare (SS) police often also involved and all is about her vulnerability and the fact that she is being coercive controlled and at such a young age !
As her parent I'm going out of mind as she's often just out arguing on the phone with him and maybe high on drugs that anything could happen to her, she is completely out of control and I never had this with her older siblings.
I support her, I mainly cry for her.
But where does this ever end if ever ? This awful excuse of a young man who just chases his next fix has robbed me of a beautiful daughter and I don't know how to regain the power that he somehow has over her?
I've been on all the sites regarding info and links for help which she refuses but I don't even know why I've typed this out as I know there's no answer until my girl admits she will accept help.
Xx

OP posts:
reversingdumptruckwithnotyreson · 19/11/2025 07:11

Does she do drugs on her own as well or just with him?

Are there any safe relatives that would have her?

QuidNuncy · 19/11/2025 08:12

If you can, I would move. I know it’s a massive upheaval but she needs a new start.

Bananainpyjamas1980 · 19/11/2025 12:30

Yes she smokes weed on her own.
Moving isnt possible but if i had lots of money that would be top of my list alongside private rehab .

OP posts:
reversingdumptruckwithnotyreson · 20/11/2025 07:38

@Bananainpyjamas1980 weed on her own is not as bad, probably relatively normal to a teenager. It’s good that she doesn’t do anything else on her own, it means her other drug use is probably only restricted to when she’s with him.

Even if you can’t move her, would you be able to move her to a different school? Even on the town over.

When I was 15 I was in an abusive relationship and when my mother moved me to a different school/town I made so many new friends I barely remembered he existed. Unfortunately it didn’t work out but honestly in my case I had piss poor parenting. If my family had acted to keep him away (physically) I would have forgotten him within a month.

She needs enough distance that she realises he’s nothing and within that time he’ll find a new toy to play with.

Bananainpyjamas1980 · 20/11/2025 09:30

@reversingdumptruckwithnotyreson
I think thats the problem thats theres no distance between them and teens share their whole lives on social media so even if i had that option he'd find a way to bother her. Shes mature in many ways but also far to trusting and gullible. Can i ask how you managed to get out of your abusive relationship? I understand if you dont want to share though .

OP posts:
reversingdumptruckwithnotyreson · 20/11/2025 10:43

@Bananainpyjamas1980 I didn’t, I stayed until I was in my 20s. My situation was very different though, I truly had a neglectful family - I was transferred to a different school out of “family embarrassment”, not for my safety. If my family wanted all they would have to do is contact the police as I was under the age of consent and he was older. Way Older.

But barring that, once I moved it was like I had a new lease on life, many friends and I was really happy for the first 3 months (til he finally figured out where I moved to).

SleafordSods · 20/11/2025 19:39

If you can’t move, is there someone that you can send her to stay with for a while?

Upupupandawayyyyyyy · 20/11/2025 19:47

I know you say you can't, but I'd move in a heartbeat

I met my abusive ex when I was 17. I finally managed to leave when I was 25, but I had to sleep DV and move 60 miles away from my hometown and leave my friends and family. I had three DC with him by that point

I also had a neglectful family who had their own problems ect. It was all just a recipe for disaster

One of my biggest fears is that my children will meet or become abusive people. I'd move

cannynotsay · 20/11/2025 20:23

Gosh I’ve no advice but maybe one of her siblings could help? Or get everyone to help you move her away, this is just awful and I’m so sorry you’re having to watch this happen to her x

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