I really want to stop but it's hard

[RoslynBaker]

Idon't really know where to start, but here goes. I started doing drugs at the age of 14 amphetamines, then I started experimenting with other substances that gave me a buzz, worst mistake of my life 😞 long story short i had a addiction for years and then I had my children and messed up got them taken away from me my own mother phoned social services told them a bunch of lies and they were taken off me yes I am also to blame. Anyway my life got worse when I was moved to a dodgy area and I found out about heroin and crack cocaine and that was it GAME OVER!!!! I did get clean once but relapsed again and now I can't seem to stop using any ideas or advice please. cut

Addiction is an illness as you know. It’s very hard to stop using. You have NA where you can get the support of your peers and meet people who really understand you. But ultimately you’re on your own. A rehab hospital could be better still but they’re expensive. It’s hard. It’s tough. It takes over your life completely. No advice but to say I get it and there are a lot of us. Some make it though. If you want it desperately it’s worth trying NA

Hi I have not had an addiction myself but I have worked with women who have, I just want to say well done for taking a first step in talking about it and asking for help. Although recovery can be a tough road, it is one that thousands have done before you and are walking this every single day, thousands around the world will be starting their own road to recovery at the same time as you, after you and so on. Addiction can be an isolating and lonely illness, but on the road to recovery you are very much not alone.
Staying in addiction and all of the dangers that brings to you on the daily would be even more difficult than being in recovery, but it will take a little time to feel that way.
Due to the addiction being craic and heroin please make sure to get support while getting clean as going cold turkey may not be safe.
I am so sorry your kids have been taken away, that is heartbreaking for any mother/father, but I hope for you and know that in lots of cases it is possible to work on yourself, get yourself clean, be the best version of yourself for your kids and when/if you do hopefully reunite over time it will be a more successful experience. It may feel like a betrayal and I am sorry you said your mum has made things up, but the difficulties of living life with addiction is not a good place for kids to be growing up, so if you can make this the start of your journey to a positive and happy, healthy life with your kids, it wont happen overnight but working to be healthier, happier, safer and substance free for yourself first of all and then your kids will be the best thing you can do.
Do you have a GP you can reach out to for help? Are you in the UK? there are lots of services you can reach out to for help, others will be able to advise you better for the UK. I am not sure if you are thinking of entering a rehab facility or what your hopes or plans would be but I wish you every single success and I would love to hear that you are a success. We may be strangers but I am absolutely rooting for you every step of the way and I will genuinely keep you in my thoughts. You have done this before, you can absolutely do it again with the support of others to make sure you come off it safely. Sending you virtual hugs and well wishes

So much to unpack in your post but first am so sorry the addiction got you and got you so young. My brother is a alcoholic and is basically dying. He has stopped drinking but too late it seems. Don't let this be you. My heart aches for the 14 year old who wouldn't have known better. And hopes that the adult you will get yourself to NA for support or something similar.

You say your mum told a bunch of lies and got your kids taken away. Is this the addiction speaking? Was your mum trying to protect your kids fearing your addiction?

Am sorry that I don't have the words or expertise to help but I wish you all the best and hope you try quitting one more time, and that this time it will stick. Hugs

You need to check yourself into rehab and go from there.

Chances are your mother didn’t really lie, you’re just not ready to let denial go.