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Relapse pending? Can’t do this again

7 replies

Reasonswhy · 29/10/2025 21:57

Husband of 14 years, 2 kids 9+ 13, both profoundly disabled. Life is constantly stressful but we manage, just. He was sober when I met him, working the programme, but relapsed after the diagnoses of both our kids spectacularly- found wandering in road by police, checked into rehab at vast cost we couldn’t afford, awful dark times. We have slowly tried to rebuild trust but it’s not ever been the same since. He told me once he can’t have non alcoholic beers as they lead to alcoholic ones, but a year ago I noticed he was drinking blue beers again. I let it slide, perhaps foolishly. He’s not gone to meetings in a long time. Always with very good excuses, life
At home is very hard on top of work. He’s been stressed lately at work, and tonight I’ve just found an alcoholic unopened bottle of beer in the fridge. I don’t know what to do - remove it and see if he asks for it? Ask him (if it is for him he’ll 100 deny it and say he must have bough the wrong kind) I just don’t know what to do and am so scared of another relapse😢

OP posts:
Reasonswhy · 29/10/2025 21:58

Or perhaps he has genuinely bought the wrong kind…but this feels unlikely to me and if he has and he drinks it…😢

OP posts:
Icecreamisthebest · 29/10/2025 22:00

Oh sweetheart. I'm so sorry.

You need to seek support from Al-anon. They support families of alcoholics. Even if he is not currently drinking, he is and always will be an alcoholic. Please get in touch with them.

YourGladSquid · 29/10/2025 22:15

I would ask him directly and go from there.

Reasonswhy · 29/10/2025 22:26

My worry is he’s such a good liar (the previous times I’ve asked him he completely convinced me there was a good reason for him having it - a present for a colleague / chose the wrong type etc so I don’t think I’d believe him 😢

OP posts:
TenGreatFatSquirrels · 29/10/2025 22:52

Remove the beer. He’s an alcoholic, he has lost the right to buy alcohol or ‘mistakenly’ buy it and not tell you. I’d be telling him he needs to go to a meeting tomorrow. And that his marriage depends on it.

I say this as someone who goes to AA. He needs the support and it seems like he has needed it for a while.

Reasonswhy · 29/10/2025 23:11

I’ve removed it from the fridge and hidden it…I guess if he doesn’t mention it that speaks volumes 😢

OP posts:
YourGladSquid · 01/11/2025 12:01

Reasonswhy · 29/10/2025 22:26

My worry is he’s such a good liar (the previous times I’ve asked him he completely convinced me there was a good reason for him having it - a present for a colleague / chose the wrong type etc so I don’t think I’d believe him 😢

Buy a home test and catch him off guard. If he gets defensive and refuses you know exactly what’s going on.

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