Good addictions?

[OchreSky]

Do you think it’s ok to have good addictions?

In his time, DH has been addicted to smoking, drinking, spending, computer games, gambling, quizzes and work. Most recently and most chronically drinking - he’s always drunk a lot. He was a functioning alcoholic. His health was so bad and he was wetting the bed etc. I was very fed up and withdrew from him and he hit rock bottom and was very anxious. He’s managing the drinking and our marriage is improved. However now he’s addicted to losing weight and the gym. He looks great and is much healthier.

I can’t help seeing that he’s chasing the dopamine and this is working for now. He’s a huge people pleaser and low self confidence. I think he has undiagnosed adhd but the GP doesn’t agree and refused to discuss it with him. He won’t take medication for anxiety. He’s seeing a therapist but she doesn’t seem to see the problem…or he’s saying what she wants to hear and hearing what he wants to hear.

is there a balance to addictions…are good addictions ok…can they ever be ‘cured’. Fwiw, he does recognise the addictions (esp the gambling, he was in GA) but would never call himself an addict/alcoholic because the people pleasing and self-image prevents that.

I would get a second opinion on ADHD, it’s really not up to a GP to decide if he has that. If you can afford it I’d go private, otherwise, ask to speak to a different GP. If it is ADHD he can be properly medicated if that’s appropriate. Sorry I’m not sure about addiction etc, I understand your concerns.

I don't think there are any 'good' addictions, no. Some are far more unhealthy than others, and it's good your husband has sort of moved on from those. But the only reason he's not drinking, gambling etc as much is because he's getting his dopamine fix elsewhere. What happens when that doesn't work as well anymore, or he gets injured and can't exercise as much? Something else will fill the gap.
The real issue is the reason behind the addictive behaviour. To address that he needs specialist therapy from an addiction counsellor.
He may acknowledge his addictive behaviour but he's clearly in denial about how bad it is; it's running his life, and hugely affecting yours.

Put him to one side for a moment and think about how this makes you feel and whether you want to live this way forever. You have a choice, you are not responsible for him.

ADHDers are very prone to addictive behaviour and if he is on that spectrum then he's probably always going to need something especially if he's unmedicated. My DH is addicted to smoking, coffee and me 😆 I'd rather he didn't smoke obviously but the other two are pretty harmless. It's much better to get your dopamine fix from the gym than from drugs.

Thanks for the replies. I agree the good addictions are not healthy. And I do remind him that people are going to stop complementing the weight loss and I point out when he’s seeking external validation. I’d love for him to address the root cause and not be controlled by it. I just can’t see him seeing the healthy addictions as negative. He has this fear of anyone thinking bad of him and it just stops him being able to admit that failing. It’s hard to explain and I don’t think the therapist is quite there with it yet.

For me it’s just sad to watch. It’s sad to see him struggle with one thing or another. He’s a good person and doesn’t want to hurt anyone..to a fault. I know I don’t have to put up with it and I have my boundaries, he’s a grown up and is taking accountability. We are married and have a good life. He’s just had this constant struggle.