Son awake all night sleeping all day

[Whistledown2]

Posted recently about inpatient rehab Thailand, decided against it.

My son has no job and therefore no money. He says he hasn’t had any drugs (this is the 3rd week) and attending meetings. He is staying up all night and sleeping till 4pm or later. He started Sertraline, complains he’s tired and can’t get up.

This is making me ill. His bedroom is filthy and stinks. He does nothing apart from attend meetings 3 x weekly (so he says).

Do I just ignore him? Do I throw him out? I cannot take much more of this. For the first time I can honestly say I’m on the verge of a nervous breakdown.

Sertraline can keep you awake even when your tired, so it might be that and withdrawal from the drugs.

You have to relinquish all control. You cannot control it/him/his addiction. You have to accept that or you’ll break.

Have boundaries for yourself and how much you interact with and more importantly how much you think/stress about his addiction. Fill your time with other things; things that bring you joy and happiness. Prioritise taking care of yourself, and your own health.

How old is he? What’s his addiction if you don’t mind me asking?

@FlyingUnicornWings thanks for your post. You are absolutely right, I know that, I really do. I’m just struggling so much right now.

I stress about him/the addiction. I feel I am going insane, I honestly do.

I would like little interaction with him. But I get these moments where I’m going crazy and start bugging him.

ketamine and very recently cocaine.

I can’t continue like this. I will be broken completely😥

I’m not well versed on cocaine, but Ketamine is a tough one. It’s very addicting because of how therapeutic it is. The person I know who is addicted to it says that it’s like an “off switch” for their brain and just calms them down. It’s destructive though because tolerance is established quickly, and the addict has to take more and more to chase the high. Plus, the effects don’t last that long, so one bump can only give you an hour max of high. In that case, regular users can go through grams a night.

I don’t know if it’s reassuring to you, but death from ketamine alone is rare. So the likelihood of the worst thing happening is very very slim. I know that was calming for me to find this out. However long term physical damage is possible. Do you know if he’s reached the point of k-cramps yet? Ketamine affects the bile ducts, pancreas and gallbladder, and after a while he might start getting gallbladder related pain, vomiting episodes etc. Ketamine can also cause bladder spasm and urinary retention, it’s similar to a condition called painful bladder syndrome if you wanted to know the symptoms. K-cramps are terrifying for the user and the person witnessing them. The best thing you can do in that instance is call an ambulance and take them into a&e for pain and symptom management. K-cramps are often the users rock bottom and a catalyst for change due to how awful they are.

There are some harm reduction practices you could encourage him to do if he’s not ready to seek sobriety yet. I will say though, be careful here though as he might interpret you taking care of him as enabling him; only you know his mind and if you helping him to engage in harm reduction would do more harm than good.

The balance between care and love and enabling is a really tricky line to walk. Does he talk to you at all? I find that if I approach the subject I get stonewalled, but if they want to talk and bring it up, I get a lot more open conversation.

For you though, the priority is to try and disengage emotionally. Otherwise you will combust. You have to be strict with yourself, if you start thinking about it and spiralling. What can you do instead? What are your interests? Do you like TV and movies? Reading? Do you have any pets?

Also do you have any support from family or friend? Ketamine addiction is an epidemic of terrifying proportions for young people. It’s more prevalent than many realise. So many families are suffering and struggling; many in silence due to shame and fear of judgement.

I’m sorry this is so hard for you, I really do understand.

do they do a weekly drug test at his meetings?

Is he taking the sertraline at night? I take mine (200mg) in the morning.

@FlyingUnicornWings I have experienced him going through the cramps which, as you say, were absolutely devastating for me. We have been to A@E many times and he’s taken huge amounts of paracetamol but medicated with more K because it helps with the cramps. He was also suffering with urination issues at one point (couldnt be far from the toilet) weight loss phenomenal.

Harm reduction would be treated as enabling. As I said in my post, he’s been approx 3 weeks with nothing (so he says) but seems more with it.

He is still up all night and asleep all day.

I must disengage. I am going insane here. I feel though he may not be doing anything, he is literally not doing anything unless dragged to it by friends. He disrespects my boundaries (he is not aggressive though) and does not do what little I ask of him. He owes me thousands of pounds as a result of me bailing him out, which I stopped some time ago, but he still owes the money.
He has insurmountable debt which he refuses to sort out (parking fines/loans).
I can speak to friends and a couple of colleagues (I’m ashamed though) and I did attend some Famanon meetings. Unfortunately I never got on with the zoom meetings, as nice as the people were, it seemed impersonal, and people were reluctant to give any advice etc.

Thank you for your kind post. It is very reassuring to hear you say the things you have.

@ComfortFoodCafe No they don’t.

@ninjahamster He is asleep all day so doesn’t take them till late, despite me going on and on to take them early.

I truly am worn down.

I don’t want to bug him. I don’t want to be going crazy. I don’t want any of this.

He may be unwell with what he has done ?doing. But I am feeling very unwell too. I am exhausted mentally and emotionally.

I have to disengage with him. I must try very hard to do that. I am very resentful.

Thank you all for your posts.

Of course you’re exhausted, mentally and emotionally. I feel you and see you.

Do you have positives in your life you can lean towards? What sort of interests do you have? How would you usually comfort yourself when you’re down? Just trying to see if we can come up with some practical ideas?

@FlyingUnicornWings I have 2 little grandsons who I look after one day a week (I work the rest of the week) but sometimes I find it hard to be positive. Practical ideas are what is needed. I find myself becoming very ‘woe is me’ and that denigrates further.
I think I’ll start to journal/gratitude diary. It’s hard to see the wood through the trees when you’re feeling like there’s no end in sight.

I must start to cycle too. I have a bike. These are the practical things which may help distract my mood.

Once again thank you so much. You’ve made me think positively!

I totally understand the woe is me feeling. Just keep reminding yourself that you’re having a perfectly normal reaction to what are abnormal circumstances. You’re a human being, with human emotions.

Honestly? I’d let him get on with it and focus on yourself for a bit. Get on your bike! Snuggle your grand boys. Find a little bit of joy in each day; even something small like a fave choccy bar or a trashy magazine (if that’s your thing)! Small moments, just pausing and focusing on a hot drink or the feeling of delicious bubble bath or hot shower with a nice smelling soap. Do you listen to audio books? I’ve found falling asleep listening to one stops my mind from wandering and spiralling at night. I even put it back on if I wake up in the night worrying.

You deserve to have good things and joy in your life too. Sending you all my best wishes.

Aww @FlyingUnicornWingsthanks for reassuring the normality of this abnormality. I wonder how people cope when I struggle to do so.

I do have those windows of a normal life, what it looks like. I have to disengage. I have to accept I cannot control this.

It’s funny you mention audio books. I would love to read a book but my focus is that of a gnat. I read the same page over and over. So I was thinking about giving audio books a try.

We do deserve a life, some peace and some joy.

Thank you for your wishes. You’ve been a great help.