Anyone got experience of cocaine addicts and behaviour?

[ThatAquaRobin]

I am trying to make sense of a short relationship I just had. Ex raver in his 40s who uses MD every few months or so at EDM gigs but also drinks around a bottle of wine a night plus more. I think he had a coke habit but can't be sure. Constant runny nose, carried mints, mood swings, short of cash at times. Also very slim. His appetite seemed ok but obvs he wasn't up for food after the MD he did at a gig. He denied using regular coke but I'm not so sure. Once I tasted something really bitter when kissing him. I know he offered his ex coke on one occasion. Also that he used in the past. Is it likely he's back on it regularly?

Yes. He sounds like a sesh head.
Id avoid if youre not into that.

he sounds like an absolute tool.

No personal experience but he sounds familiar to my friends ex- He can manage a normal front but has utterly fucked up his kids, and is always always sneaking around grubbing for something to avoid his own feelings. Currently this grubbing takes the form of manipulating the youngest child to give him their Ritalin, and if that fails, just stealing it anyway.

What is MD?

Mdma

Ah right. Thanks. 👍

So confusing because he was utterly charming, holding down a job (mostly WFH) and managing to single parent a teenager (50/50)
There was just enough normal there for me to doubt myself and feel I'm being unfair to him but he was denying to me face he uses coke regularly. I feel like the bad guy for dumping him

No-one here can tell you for sure if he was regularly doing coke. It sounds likely as if it looks like a duck, quacks like a duck and other people tell you it's a duck it's probably a duck but who knows? Does it matter any more?

You have the right to end a relationship for any reason. The relationship is now over. It's time to look forward rather than to keep beating yourself up looking back.

You posted about this before didn't you? Was this the guy that drinks 80 units a week?

I think she did post about him before. It sounds like you have now dumped him but he's saying it's all in your head.
It isn't all in your head OP.

Yes. I did post before but in relationships. I'm being told by him that it's my anxiety. But yes we are over. I am trying to work out if it IS my anxious attachment or if I could have been right.

Why would you kiss a man like that? Put some boundaries in, ffs!

@MounjaroMounjaro what a pointless comment

@ThatAquaRobin he’s likely an addict. A bottle a night is a lot anyways, but you know there’ll be a lot more going on by the fact that he needs to lie, hide or deny it. It’s not a case of doing more coke now, it probably just never stopped.

If he’s inexplicably short on money frequently, that will be the coke. There’s many functional people with a bad, bad coke addiction. My own DP was holding down two jobs and looked after himself quite well, always clean, etc. The giveaway was the money and weight loss, mainly.

Well done for getting rid

Sex was great too (sorry if TMI) but then could that have been the coke?
I had always assumed that someone on coke would be wired. But for him, it was almost as if he was calmer and more sorted, more intentional almost at times. Other times he would be grumpy and stressed.
Can coke in small doses calm you like this and would the grumpy stressed him have been when he couldn't afford to use?

Honestly he's not worth the bother. You don't trust him. Stay strong, stay steady. Block him.

His lifestyle isn't akin to your values so it's never going to work. It makes no odds whether he snorted one line of coke twelve years ago or has a £500 a day crack habit. He's not going to change. He's not right for you. And he's trying all his tricks to manipulate you still.

If he has adhd yes if can have a calming effect

the bitter taste could be coke

they’re great at manipulating and lying

@ThatAquaRobin my partner has ADHD so he used cocaine as a way to self medicate, he just wasn’t aware at the time. The moodiness and grumpiness will be the paranoia and the stress of keeping up with such an expensive addiction.

The hardest lesson to learn though is that you can’t do anything for him. He either wants to get sober or he doesn’t. Unless you’re super invested and really think this is the love of your life or something like that, you’re better off cutting your losses and letting go asap.

Yes this guy may well.have ADHD although never formally diagnosed, he did wonder out loud whether he has it. He's very scatty and disorganised, but sweet in a way.
I am just stuck in sadness and regret at the moment. I loved him and the chemistry was amazing. I miss him terribly and regret hurting him when I ended it. But my anxiety sort of exploded spectacularly when I couldn't mask it any longer.