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How can I help my son?

3 replies

despairingmum4 · 20/07/2025 13:37

My son is in his 30s and gets into terrible trouble with alcohol, drugs, debt and people who take advantage of him. He has learning disabilities and has trouble looking after himself. Cocaine is his drug of choice, as far as I know. He is drawn to low lifes like ex-cons and spends his money on buying them drinks and food and letting them stay with him. So far these "friends" have taken him to the cashpoint and made him get out cash for them, stolen his car (police got involved and we got it back) and kicked him out of his own house. Someone is now apparently trying to force him to sell it to them for much lower than the market price. We had an anonymous letter warning us this was happening. Luckily, we foresaw this potential so kept the house in our name.

Son has been to rehab and found that helpful and easy - didn't last though. We have got counselling for him, had him living with us at home for months at a time, had a psychiatric evaluation, sent him abroad on adventure treks in the middle of nowhere to keep him away for bad influences. He's great when he lives at home - doesn't take drugs and doesn't drink, goes out running and fitness training. But he won't stay - wants his independence, understandably. As soon as he goes, he gets off his face again, loses his job, drinks and takes drugs because he feels so hopeless - or because he just wants to.

If he was someone without learning disabilities, I would draw a line, but I don't feel I can do this. Any thoughts anyone on how I can help my dear son?

OP posts:
MeetTheGrahams · 20/07/2025 13:39

Either another intevention hoping it lasts, or take counselling yourself in letting go. It is his life and he is choosing to do this.

Bingbopboomboomboombopbam · 20/07/2025 14:50

Depending on the level of learning disabilities or not, you might have to sit this one out and let him reach rock bottom.

He might be coasting on knowing he always has a place to fall back to and also using his situation to justify it to himself. If he can be housed, have a job, etc, he’s not fully incapable of being independent, it’s the addiction that’s getting in the way.

DP has a number of conditions (including ADHD, which cocaine really matches on) and a lot of childhood trauma and also used to justify all sorts of behaviour with “but my ADHD!”. It took him reaching rock bottom and finally understanding addiction wasn’t what he wanted for his future. Went to rehab, fully committed, so far seems like a different person.

BunnyRuddington · 22/07/2025 21:10

Thank goodness yoi have kept the house in your name.

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