Son Gambling - £600 in one day

[sonoonetoldyoulifewasgonnabethisway]

I don't know what to do. My son, 20, never has any money left after he gets paid, he is stressed about money all the time, keeps saying he is f*cked and he literally wants to kill himself. He recently had a break up with a girlfriend of 2 years and his car is off the road after an accident.

I have had my suspicions for a time about gambling. He had to send me a bank statement for ID purposes and when I've looked through it I feel physically sick. Nearly all his wages has gone on gambling sites. £600 in one day! He said it's because he split with his girlfriend and he was feeling depressed and that he doesn't do it anymore.

He is refusing to talk to me about it, says he doesn't have a problem and that I just sound like his ex girlfriend. Says it's why he doesn't want me looking at his bank statement, he knew what i'd say.

The last 2 months he has had no wages left 3 days after pay day, I offered to go through his bank and sort out hi direct debits and payments so he could manage his money better and he said he doesn't want me anywhere near his bank, he can deal with his own money.

I can't speak to my DH (his step dad) about this cause he doesn't understand addiction and would just kick off and shout

If he’s out of money after 3 days, how is he surviving the rest of the month?

If it’s on you, you have to stop enabling it. Get him to pay you board. Ask him to sign up for stop gambling websites in front you (it’s not guaranteed but at least it’s a step).

He definitely has a problem, but you also can’t enable it.

I agree with PP don't enable him. If he asks to borrow money even for food say no. He must learn to budget his money. Suggest he buys a Tesco or Morrisons card as soon as he's paid then he can use it to get food through the month. If he goes hungry he'll learn. If you give in and feed him he won't. Be firm.

Does he live with you op? You have to let him reach rock bottom otherwise he won't stop. No money, nothing from you. Only way

He's in denial, can you suggest he gives you some of his wages to give him back later in the month? My aunt did that with my (female) cousin, hers was shopping addiction I guess you would call it now, as soon as she had any money she just blew it. Don't say because of his gambling but just to help him budget and not splurge his wages as soon as he's paid. The trouble with gambling is once you are down you just have to try and win your losses back, and of course sometimes you do which then makes you gamble more. Can you talk to a gambling addiction help line and see what they suggest you do, I don't think confronting him at present is going to work.

He has been lending money and he has taken out 2 payday loans, he does pay me board and all his bills are paid, his car and insurance etc.

I will have a look at the stop gambling website, thank you

He did win a substantial amount of money last year, which i don't think helped (over £5k), he told me they had kicked him off the website he was using after that.
I have opened him a separate account to start to try budgeting, hes being so defensive about his money so i'm not sure if he has more debt than he is letting on I know the 2 pay day loans and a credit card- he said he is not sure who one of the loans is with - I'm going to try and get him to get his credit file up on the MSE Credit Club so I can see. Suppose its a good thing his credit is bad because he won't be able to get anymore credit

So was his ex complaining about his gambling too?

It sounds as though this is more than he’s had a breakup.

Has he agreed to sign up to limiting gambling yet and has he contacted GA?