Hi everyone, I apologise if this isn’t the correct place to post but no other area seemed to fit!
As the title suggests, my partner is dealing with a pornography addiction. I discovered he was accessing these sites around October of last year. I confronted him, he shared some truths and started seeking therapy. All seemed well, until there was a second discovery in January of this year.
The first time around, I gave a lot of understanding, time and support to him. While I was angry and hurt, I genuinely believed that he wasn’t doing this intentionally to hurt or betray me and this still stands today. He admitted to his actions and said that he’d start going to therapy.
The second time around, I had little to no understating left for him, as we had, had in-depth discussions on boundaries, what we see as cheating etc. So to discover it again, after everything we had been through before, I was extremely angry, hurt, frustrated. The list goes on.
I was very close to leaving him, I felt so betrayed, unseen and uncared for. We went to couples therapy and a lot of information was uncovered. I won’t go too in-depth but he was accessing these sites from a very young age and it was a very unhealthy coping mechanism for his feelings and emotions while growing up. I’ll also add that communication between him and his parents didn’t exist so he had to lock it all in and nothing was processed.
We’re now 3 months down the line, he has an app on his phone and pc to block pornography or any hidden content like it (because it’s everywhere).I can monitor this so, no secrets can be kept. His communication with me is greatly improving, he’ll tell me about times he’s struggling with urges and even happier moments where he feels like he’s controlling it and it isn’t controlling him. He’s dedicating more time into exercising and finding hobbies to fill up his free time. He’s changed therapists and is attending therapy sessions every 3 weeks as well as couples therapy with myself every month. All I can say is, he’s a different person already and I do commend him for owning up to what he’s done and making changes to show me that this will never be an issue again.
My question here is, from the partners perspective, what helped you move on? I sometimes struggle with believing him, even when I know he’s being genuine and I can fact check if need be. I struggle with the feelings I have towards him that come up sometimes.
I am thinking of going to therapy myself, but I’m just looking for some advice is all.
also, I mean this in the nicest way possible. I’m not looking for comments telling me to leave him or that it won’t work out. I’ve made it crystal clear that if he did it again, I’d leave and wouldn’t even want to talk things through with him. I’m making this choice to stay because I fully believe that addictions like this, given the commitment to change, can be overcome.
but any advice, I’d really appreciate! Thank you!