My partner has just admitted he has a gambling addiction

[SillySquid87]

My partner of ten months (not living together, no kids together obvs but I do have kids) has just admitted that he has a gambling addiction. Online gambling and has admitted to stealing money from his father to gamble. A couple of thousand euro. His dad has agreed for him to pay him back monthly over the next couple of months and he has contacted GA (we are in Ireland). He has installed BetBlocker on his phone, doesn't have a laptop or computer.

He says he hasn't gambled in a couple of weeks and the money thing happened over a couple of months last year.

Is there anything else he needs to do to help himself? I know it's a one day at a time thing and I want to support him through this.

This may not be what you want to hear but, at less than a year in, an addiction would be a dealbreaker for me and I’d be seriously considering if I could continue the relationship. It’s not up to you to help him; only he can do that.

First post nails it.

Run a mile OP.

I'd be gone.

Seriously just walk away.

I have a very close friend who has stayed off gambling for 17 years so far. It’s a constant challenge for him. He says one more bet would end him. He stole, lied, cheated everyone he could . I’ve only known him since he has stopped but know that in his right minded state he would never do this to anyone he cared about.

He met his partner when he was still gambling and told her. She said one bet and she was out as it was either her or his addiction.

He had to reach the point where he had lost everything, including his will to live before he could turn it around. I really believe that no matter what his partner had said, if he hadn’t reached the point where he was desperate to stop, nobody could have supported or stopped him. He often has the urge to bet and has to listen to videos and talks that help him. He is often a tormented soul and life is so hard for him.

It sounds really harsh but I think until he is much further along in staying ‘clean’, he shouldn’t be in a relationship. He has to get a consistent relationship with himself and controlling his addiction, before he adds anyone else into his life. It’s a lifetime battle and often one addiction will be replaced by another . He will never mean to hurt those he loves, but until he is able to free himself from gambling, it’s very likely he will not be able to help it.

I would absolutely run and never look back.
My DC’s father has a gambling addiction and I never knew the extent until I was too far in.

What a previous poster said about having to reach rock bottom is sadly true. I’ve seen him (from the sidelines) go through all sorts. It is not a life you want for you or your kids.

Most addiction support services advise against starting any new relationships in the early stages of recovery. Like other posters, I would advise you to end the relationship.

If you aren’t prepared to do that, do not allow him to move into your home, don’t buy or rent a property together and never share your finances.

I’ve been there and I agree with the previous posters, I would end it now. I had 3 years of misery with a gambling addict, who lied, stole from family and friends and committed crimes to feed/hide his addiction. I stupidly took him back after the first and second times and felt such a mug when it happened a third time. He received a huge inheritance from a grandparent and didn’t tell me about it, even though we were living together and I was helping to (stupidly) pay off his debts. He gambled the whole inheritance away within a week. I’ve never felt so betrayed or stupid and I curse myself for staying as long as I did - don’t make the same mistake.

Run
i have a friend with a gambler exDH. It’s like any other addiction. They lie and steal and do not give 2 hoots for anyone when they are in the grip of it. Then comes all the guilt and angst.

and yes. Frittering away entire inheritances in a week.

do not let this man anywhere near your home. Your finances. Your wallet. Your car. And definitely not near your kids.

he will steal from your handbag.

just walk away now. You do not need this in your life.

I honestly think gambling is one of the most dangerous addictions there are, just because it’s so easy and in-your-face.

Like PPs have said don’t let him anywhere near your finances, don’t start paying for stuff and I would add: where and when does the gambling happen? He can sign up to all the blockers, but if he’s a pub guy who can’t resist a fruit machine that’s a problem too.