How does cocaine affect people?

[ThatBusyFish]

Hoping someone with experience in this drug can give me some advice as I’m uneducated in the subject.

What are the signs of a partner with a cocaine addiction? Long term and short term?

How do they behave within the relationship?

Does it affect behaviour and personality even once the drug has been metabolised out of your system?

I was once told by someone it makes the person morally bankrupt, would you say this is true?

Any information or if you could share your personal experiences would be very helpful.

They go through loads of cash, stay up all night, sniff a lot, have mood swings, paranoia and can suffer from psychosis. If they're addicted they'll be secretive about their use.

Do you mean how do people behave when they are on cocaine?

If so this website might help you - https://www.healthline.com/health/substance-use/signs-of-cocaine-use

I was once told by someone it makes the person morally bankrupt, would you say this is true?

Addiction can make people behave very badly, this is not exclusive to cocaine addiction though.

Well it irreversibly fucks up their heart, the ventricles become enlarged and can't pump as effectively.

My DP was (or is, depending on how you want to look at recovery) addicted to cocaine and it definitely turns you into a monster. I’ve met him when he was sober (but he was doing it by himself with no medical help) and then when he relapsed, quite frankly by the end of it I couldn’t recognise him.

There’s biggest giveaways are money problems, being secretive, disappearing for hours and even days, sleep pattern completely wrecked, blocked nose and paranoia/irritability.

There’s a podcast (she started out on TikTok too, not sure if YouTube as well) called Class A People, I strongly recommend it.

They'll be using other substances eg valium or weed or alcohol alongside to cope with the come down.

OP
Do not be tangled up with anyone who takes illegal drugs.
Don't waste your precious time or emotional energy trying to analyse or understand it.
Just step away turn around and keep walking.
All the best.⁵

Thank you all, you’ve been helpful x

met my ex around 2.5 years ago. When we met, he was homeless and staying in temporary accommodation. I helped him get back on his feet — he moved in with me, I supported him through work instability (largely due to undiagnosed ADHD), helped him access medication, taught him to drive, paid for lessons, enrolled him on courses, and even got him jobs.

At first, I truly believed his issues were down to unmanaged ADHD, and I did everything I could to support him. But about 18 months ago, he began to change drastically — he became angry, unpredictable, destructive, anxious, and emotionally volatile. Eventually, I did a drug test and found out he was using cocaine. From there, the situation spiralled.

He sold gifts I bought him — including a chain and a watch — and lied about losing them. He stole from me, my mum, and even my children. Despite that, I helped him get a flat and got him set up with PIP. I also helped him buy a car, which he ended up damaging by running it into the ground.

He would disappear for days with his dad (who has also been involved with drugs), blow all his money on cocaine, and then come back to me broke and a mess. I now realise I was enabling him by continuing to help and forgive him, even when he lied, manipulated, and gaslit me constantly.

We’ve been on and off for a while, but we finally split for good recently. I feel nothing but anger and resentment toward him now. He continues to test my boundaries — just yesterday he asked for a lift to a location I know he and his dad get drugs from. He swore it was just to get weed, even borrowed a neighbour’s bike to ride home asked him to save me a little (as I occasionally use it to relax before bed — I don’t use harder drugs and never have), but when I called him later he was clearly high and completely incoherent.

I realise now I enabled him again, and I’m angry at myself for it. He leaves me with overwhelming anxiety every time he comes back into my life.

He recently sent me £350 to save toward his car and begged me not to let him spend it. Now, this morning, he’s ringing and threatening me to send him £100 of it back. I’ve arranged a transfer for later this week and told him never to contact me again.

His life is chaos — full of lies, theft, manipulation, and addiction. I value peace, honesty, trust, and stability. I’m fed up and just want to move on now. I hope he finally leaves me alone.

I also sorted his adhd meds which improved him but not his addiction that's when I started to notice. Infected arms bleeding nose diarrhoea no money inconsistent severe anger etc etc.

This is awful. I’m so sorry you went through this. I found out during my pregnancy that my babies father who I was engaged to, had been doing cocaine for years. I had no idea but started noticing strange patterns of behaviour, and I couldn’t ascertain if it was lack of interest in the relationship, another woman, cold feet about baby etc. told me he stopped doing it but I tested his urine and came back in his system. I’m due next week and so anxious about the unknown. He wanted to be my birth partner and stay here to help me during his paternity leave but I expect he just wants to use that as a way of worming his way back in while I’m vulnerable. I recently found out that when he was working away he was getting paid nearly double his usual wage, but he came home with no extra money as it all went on alcohol and cocaine. He doesn’t believe he has a problem and I think he resents me now for finding out and putting boundaries in place regarding the baby etc.

@ThatBusyFish

Addiction is sly, secretive and doesn’t care about anyone around it. Please think about you and your baby and distance from yourself from this especially whilst you’re going to be so newly post partum. He will lie, cheat and steal his way, any way he can at all, to continue living a comfortable life with his drugs and with you (he will want both)- but you HAVE to take yourself away - he has to hit rock bottom, and that will be so so painful for you to watch happen, but you can’t enable him to carry on using you and your life as a crutch for him to continue doing what he wants.

He has a problem, you know he does, and he knows he does in his sober moments, but addiction is a disease and it will not allow him to make a change until he has no other options - rock bottom.

I’m so sorry you’re going through this - don’t go through it alone, there are so many people out there who know what it’s like 💛

I could tell when my ex had it, he used to do a weird thing with his hand, not sure how to even explain it. He spent ALOT of money that he couldn't account for, including mine too. He'd be awake all night. Personality wise he wasn't much different, he didn't turn abusive or violent. But wasn't the same person as he was sober if that makes sense. It's what split us up in the end, I knew about it but he would lie and spend all of our money on it

@ThatBusyFish I hate to say this but if he’s using I wouldn’t have him anywhere near the baby. Maybe for short periods and supervised by someone other than you, as you’ll be too fragile.

My partner’s sister had a baby and allowed her addict mum (basically she’s an addict and got some of her children on it too - all but one are fine now) to be there because obviously she wanted her mother to be there for her first grandchild and she only suffered disappointments. She bolted after less than a month of supporting her and now we haven’t heard from her in over a year. She didn’t even bother with her grandchild’s first birthday.

I agree with PP, you need to let him hit rock bottom. I think rock bottom in a way saved my partner’s life. He’s currently getting his qualifications in counselling and doing outreach work.

Thank you for your kind words. It’s been very difficult, the false hope etc. and I’ve felt so overwhelmed by the shock of it all and the deceit. The problem is, is he won’t remove the triggers, which are his “friends”, his local pub and alcohol. When he’s not with these friends, they would constantly message him and always be arranging the next sesh. I will never be able to trust him not to be doing it behind my back. But you are right, he wants both lives and for me to put up with it. I don’t understand why he thought he could maintain the relationship while doing what he does, but I don’t think he cares anymore, as he’s more afraid of losing his freedom than him losing me. I will be having as little contact with him as possible when the baby is born. My plan is to establish very clear boundaries from the start and he has to commit to it, no inconsistency. He wanted to come back to “help” me for 4 weeks after the baby was born but I think theres various motives behind it. The main one him taking advantage of me being vulnerable to worm his way back in and establish an “on his terms” dynamic. But the other to distract me from claiming child maintenance.

The thing is he never did it around me. He used the excuse of playing darts to frequently go to the pub where his friends were who also use. It was a secret life disguised as a hobby. He often wouldn’t come home as he would stay at his parent’s house so he could have a drink. It was the change in his behaviour after I became pregnant that alerted me to something being off, but I wasn’t 100% sure what it was at first. He started going awol and not answering his phone or coming home. And when I did find out I didn’t know whether his distant and uncaring attitude stemmed from drugs or resentment of me finding out, or another woman. Possibly all three.

I wonder if they ever live to regret their choice, or if they sink further into addiction so they don’t have to think about or acknowledge their decisions.

@ThatBusyFish I think it really depends on the person. My partner is generally a lovely person, but his mum never was, even when she was more functional. They really got the short end of the stick because the rest of his extended family is lovely.

I read your previous comment and my partner was exactly like that: it started as pool night once a week, then he started missing work every week after pool night, then he got a part-time job at the pub where pool night was, then I “wasn’t allowed” there because I went there looking for him once (completely worried it sick)… it just completely sucked him in. I honestly think he thought they were genuine friends, but when he tried to kill himself not a single one tried to help. That was his rock bottom.

The only way out is 100% cutting them out. No compromise. And those people are insistent, they want to drag everyone down with them.

How is your partner doing now? It must have been a roller coaster for you and he’s clearly very lucky to have you. I think my ex knows they aren’t actually real friends, but he finds them fun. I read somewhere that they start to struggle to enjoy things in life unless they use the drug, as it affects their dopamine. I went to the pub he goes to once, when he went awol to see if that’s where he was. I didn’t go in but I saw him through the window, he didn’t see me. But he got up, went into the toilet and then his van lights flashed as if he had pressed the lock or unlock button. I wondered why that happened at first but then I realised, he will have been using his key to scoop the cocaine out of the bag, and accidentally pressed the button.

He will use coke before birth tk calm him and keep him awake DONT HAVE THIM THERe. Don't let him have the baby alone neither he will be on it to be calm. When they don't have it they spiral. He needs to engage with na meetings and be consistent. Takes 3 weeks to get clean and 3 months to be OK but the temp is always there. Tell him he has to step up or step aside.

He wants sex pure and simple. He wants to have his cake and eat it. He needs to lose the things that are important for him to make changes otherwise your enabling

He’s doing great but we’re not back to living together yet. He’s finished rehab and he’s been out for 2 months, that’s not nearly enough time to see if he’s okay - so far so good, but I won’t let him move in until I’m truly confident. He’s currently getting his qualifications and working and seems to be doing great, I can’t complain at all. He only goes to pubs with family or teetotal friends though, I think he’s actually more afraid of alcohol than cocaine (in case drinking will make him crave it again).

I will say, though: we don’t have any children and no plans to have them. I don’t think I would have been able to go through all of this if children were involved, it was very painful and although I wrapped up counselling, I honestly think I have some form of PTSD from it.

Also: we broke up (well, I did), that’s what prompted the suicide attempt and subsequent rehab. I don’t think he would have taken that step if he hadn’t truly reached the end of the line. It’s very easy for us to fall into the trap of enabling them and feeling protective, but that doesn’t help anyone. Not us and certainly not them.

Protect yourself and your baby first and foremost. Accept that nothing you say will convince him to stop. It can only come from him.

I am a cocaine addict and have been for about 5 years now .. wht started off as a quick bump to perk me up and be sociable turned into 1 / 2 grams a day sometimes more .. I just can't stop !! It's taken over my life and I'm helpless to it , my nose is so bad it's hanging out constantly bleeding and sore looks awfully and I still can't stop doing it !! I had control over it at first and could take it or leave it .I don't wanna live in survival mode anymore I am tired and drained .I need to go to residential rehab but can't afford it does anyone know how I could get funded for rehab Its the only way I will be able to stop, I need at least a week in a different environment to be able to start my recovery .. or is there any payment plans for rehab ..any help and advice is greatly appreciated 😁

Go to nhs drug rehab get appointment then ask for a bed

How horrific for you. Good you are away from this now.

You ultimately have two choices with someone who is in the throes of addiction; stay with them and be nurturing, accept they're going to spend money, damage their bodies, behave horribly towards themselves, to you or whoever else might be in the housr....or your other option is to cut them out.

You need all your resources for your new baby, so you should definitely do the latter. I would never knowingly have an addict around my newborn baby. That is not because I don't empathise with addicts - i absolutely do. But they are completely unpredictable when they're addicted. You didn't even know he was an addict, so you clearly can't tell when he's high.

If you have time, I really found reading books about addiction really helpful when dealing with the addicts in my family. I really liked In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts by Gabor Mate.