I don’t know how much longer I can cope

[Frangipani2]

Elderly Mum is an alcoholic has been an issue as long as I can remember. I have no siblings all the responsibility is on me. She can be very hurtful things like when I have said she isn’t drinking at my house, she asked to go home and said the wine meant more than spending time with me. This is just a vent I know there’s literally F all I can do. Just feeling a bit broken today.

My Dad was an alcoholic, although he was not abusive or horrible with it. Just sat in his chair and slowly drank / starved himself to death. Because he wasn't difficult to be around I never lost contact with him although I realise that is not possible for lots of people with alcoholic relatives, due to their behaviour. I don't know what to say to you to be honest, it's shit watching someone drink themselves to death. I tried everything with my Dad; gentle encouragement and support, offers to enable hobbies and other relationships (organising things, lifts etc), threats of not seeing him, emotional blackmail... I got angry, I got sad, I pleaded with him. Nothing worked and now he is dead. I'm so sorry you are going through this.

@Icanttakethisanymore sorry you went through it too. It is just destroying I feel so very helpless. Like you have I tried so many things including getting all the empty wine bottles out the bin and lining them up … she told me to leave her house and not come back.
The more I open about it the more people seem to have been through something similar. I feel like I spend time just waiting for next problem.

In the last few years I stopped trying if I'm honest. Sometimes I feel guilty about that but I know I shouldn't. I decided to prioritise being there over trying to fix him - that was the right decision for me (but it wont be right for everyone and I'm not implying you should do this unless you want to).

You're right it's so common. My Dad really went down hill during covid; before that he used to go to the pub and drink which was at least exercise and social interaction. When covid hit that obviously stopped and then he never started again, even when the restrictions lifted. He died in 2022.

How is your Mum's health?

I understand, I have stopped asking her too much now there’s no point she only lies. I just try to make sure she is protected and provided for like getting her shopping or sorting bills etc. It’s so hard because I want to spend time with her but it’s hard to plan things because more often than not she is drunk when I see her or we plan something then she is drunk when I pick her up. Her health isnt great to be honest but I don’t think it helps how little she eats.

Same as my Dad - I think the lack of nutrition really did for him in the end. The less he ate the less he remembered to eat.

I'm sorry you don't have any support. My sibling lives abroad so it was all down to me with my Dad.

I always know when she hasn’t eaten if she is at my house she is picking things as I cook. I feel like she has reverted to been a child on so many ways it’s impossible to reason with her.
DH is amazing a puts up with me worrying about her, the times I have to go hospital
with her when she has fell but would be nice to have someone else who would take her or be there to take the calls from ambulance/police etc . I think it seems that little bit worse when you have to deal with it alone.