Heavy alcoholism - how can I help

[Clarabell77]

Family member is being hospitalised pretty much every second month now, having a detox, coming out and drinking again. He would likely have died at Christmas had another family member not found him collapsed at home. Started to recover from that and is now back drinking again. Is there anything I can do? I have been trying to help in lots of ways for a few years now, but he’s got worse if anything, it’s been really draining emotionally and very stressful, but he has isolated himself so much that he doesn’t really have anyone else.

I can’t help but feel he wants to die deep down, otherwise why choose to take that first drink after going through the detox.

Nothing will change unless he stops drinking.
Until that happens the rest of the family will suffer due to his behaviour.
How he he funding/sourcing the alcohol?

I’m so sorry OP, we are in exactly the same position with my BIL. We have thrown everything we can at it, we have paid for therapy, we paid for a residential, we opened our home to him, we have tried everything, but we are no further forward.

You have to accept that you can’t force someone to change when they do not want to. Get some support for yourself x

You can’t help.

Al Anon might be able to provide support for you to understand / accept this.

There's very little you can do, he is in the grip of an addiction, and he has to want to get into recovery himself.
I used to work with chaotic drinkers, and although they desperately want to give up alcohol, they still turn to it in times of stress/anxiety or just to feel normal.
Al-anon is a good support group.

I'm very sorry for your situation and your family member. As recommended above, contact Al-Anon. They used to say "detach with love" not sure if it's the same now. It's hard, but it's necessary for your own and your family's sake

He’s on benefits and would spend every penny on alcohol, not bothering with food etc., he has pawned things in the past. It’s normally when he runs out of money he goes into withdrawal and ends up in hospital.

Thank you, and sorry for your situation too. It’s absolutely heartbreaking.

I’m sorry about your family member. I have a friend who is almost at this point and I’m finally starting to realise that nothing is going to change unless they want to stop. They are also very manipulative and abusive when drunk, so that doesn’t help as I feel guilty and somehow responsible for them. Watch rain in my heart you can find it on bbc and YouTube. It’s very hard to watch but it made me see it’s not just my friend who is like this.
you’ll find support threads on the alcohol pages here.
I hope you can step back. You can’t change them.