Adult son with drug problem

[albie1]

Our 28 year old son moved back home a year ago because his life had unravelled. We put it down to his autism and to Covid but as time has gone on it’s become clear to us that he has a serious drug problem, it seems he’s addicted to crystal meth. He acknowledges using it sporadically (I know from doing drug tests that he uses it regularly) but does not feel it’s a problem nor that he wants help… He says he has a job and that he’s looking for a flat but we see no evidence of either… To be honest I can’t imagine him surviving in a flat on his own. He’s meant to pay us a bit of rent but that doesn’t materialise… We don’t give him money but we do give him a roof over his head… We’re feeling totally at a loss as to how to move things forward… I don’t feel we can make him homeless… and without that don’t know how to move the situation forward… Any advice very welcome…

That sounds extremely hard. You need professional help. If he has been taking crystal meth for over twelve months, I shouldn't imagine you need regular drug tests to confirm the addiction. He also will not be in a position to financially contribute to the home or find a flat.

Why has he been having drug tests and why have you been able to see the results?

Thank you both for replying
I agree that it does seem like getting a job and a flat are beyond reach and that maybe we should stop having those conversations, that somehow it’s colluding with something a bit unrealistic…
(the drug tests by the way were something that he agreed with, supposedly to reassure us that drugs aren’t a regular issue- which they haven’t done needless to say!)
I know there would be a school of thought that we are enabling his drug habit by allowing him to live with us rent free but I don’t feel able to make him homeless…

Don't keep it a secret OP. Tell your family, ask everyone you can think of for help.Drug use often starts as self medication for trauma, depression, ADHD. You say your son has autism. Have you/ he had any support for this? Look up Drug Fam. I think there is also an equivalent organisation to AlAnon but I can't remember the name.

Has he been tested for ADHD? A family member of mine was diagnosed with autism and went on to develop a cocaine addiction. When they went to drug counselling it was mentioned that ADHD could be a possibility because drugs don't have the same effect on people with ADHD and it often goes hand in hand with autism and they self medicate. They got the diagnosis and proper medication and haven't touched anything illegal since, it's a long road though because of waiting list times on the NHS.

You need to find what help is available in the area you live and then hope your son engages with them. I agreed with what Spuddy said it is a long road ahead for you.
I know a lot of people on Mumsnet will tell you to throw him out but they probably have never experienced it or gone through it with their adult children.

Thank you everyone for your helpful replies
He does also have a ADHD- diagnosed as an adult … I agree that seeking medication for this might avoid the self medicating but it’s a bit complicated because I think it was the stimulants prescribed in his early 20s that led to his crystal meth habit (he had had a history of drug misuse before this so it maybe isn’t surprising)
He does also have a history of trauma in adolescence, which he suffered despite our attempts to protect him… So I agree that all those things are probably in the mix…
We would love to find some help as parents to help us think through how to position ourselves around him/his drug problem- we’ve dipped our toe into the Nar-anon type group and although im sure they’re a really good resource I wasn’t sure they were quite “me”