Using addiction as an excuse for betrayal

[Anastas1a]

My long term partner (12 years) recently admitted he has a drinking and cocaine problem, the only reason he admitted this was I found texts in his phone and he has been having what I’d call an emotional affair! So to try and talk his way out of it he has said he only replied to her when he was under the influence and sometimes couldn’t remember! I spoke to the other women and she said they’d never met but he 100% wanted to, he reckons he was just stringing her along….when she asked if he was single he said he was in a situationship!! It’s not the first time I saw messages to a woman asking him if he was single, he did not admit to being engaged and said I will talk to you when I see you… so I told him not to lead women on or hide our relationship and he’s at it again, he’s very sorry, remorseful etc said he will go rehab and do whatever it takes to make me trust him, but I know that’s going to be a long road and I just can’t get past this as he’s been lying so much that it comes quite natural to him. Anyone been able to ever trust again after situations like this?

Why exactly are you with this loser?

I have left him over this, but it’s hurting so much… trying to stay strong, I’ve read lots of posts about husband’s texting or being unfaithful and wives forgiving them and wondered how is it possible to do this as I feel like I can’t ever trust him now, and if I never found the texts it probably would of progressed to physical cheating

"Emotional affairs" can be in the eye of the beholder and difficult to define. But him describing you in black and white as a situationship, which is half a step up from a FWB, when you're engaged and planning to spend your life with him? Fuck that for a game of soldiers.

He was implying to this other woman he was available. 'situationship' is a nonsense term for 'don't give a crap about my partner but CBA to leave till I think something better is on my doorstep.'
His drink and drug use really are no excuse. I know plenty people that do those things and still have a desire to be faithful to their partner. Or honest if they'd rather part ways.
I don't think he sounds like he's very mature and frankly you're best away from him.

Thanks for replies needed to hear this nearly unblocked him tonight, I’m going to stand my ground he was never like this until he started drinking and taking drugs…he wants to make it work but is trying to play it down/gaslight me into thinking that it’s ok as no physical contact was made….however the text I saw was him asking “what time you thinking?” Apparently he had no intention of meeting her though !

@Anastas1a good for you. Keep him blocked. He can try and gaslight and make excuses but don't waste another moment of your life think about it. New slate, new beginning, you deserve much better x

Thanks lovely I have no one to talk to really needed that little pep talk x

@Anastas1a my pleasure. You can make it without him x

All I can hear from this is blah blah blah.Addicts are liars )was almost married to one). You know what you need to do. That's leave. You will spend your life looking over your shoulder and wondering / worrying about his behaviour / use. Leave now and save yourself a life time of misery.

I honestly feel heartbroken for you. You can't truest a word that comes out of his mouth. Leave now. While you have the sense of mind to know the truth . X

I’m so glad I posted tonight I started to believe we might be able to try as he was going on about not wanting to throw all these years down the drain and will do what ever it takes to make it work etc, heads a bit scrambled as not even so much of thought of being with someone else since the day we met, he never drank or took drugs was loyal made me feel loved and thought he was a good man

Thanks lovely you have no idea how much that comment resonates right now x

You don't need an alcoholic, druggie, cheat
Got rid of mine years ago once I found out, it's the best thing I ever did.
He's still a low life loser, never changed.