Reasonably long story so bare with....
I f42 have 2 children dd18 and dd17.
Dd18 moved into supported accomodation just after her 16th birthday after years of social service involvement due to her behaviour, aggression, refusal of school, missing episodes (52 episodes in 6 months) and drug and alcohol abuse. She was classed as 'beyond parental control' (no safeguarding issues at home so not classed as a parental fault move).
She had a history of trauma and life was very difficult for her. It broke my heart when she had to go but for her sisters and my safety it was necessary, she had already put me in hospital.
I have always still been there for her emotionally and with whatever she needs physically, she just couldn't live here.
Fast forward 18months, which were full of difficulties with drugs and alcohol, abusive relationships and police involvement. She tells me she is pregnant. Her new boyfriend is supportive and she is giving up all drink and drugs.
She managed to stop everything immediately with the exception of mild cannabis use. Her specialist midwife said this was acceptable. The baby had a social services pre birth assessment and was classed as not at risk.
She had the baby just after she turned 18 and had to come and live with me short term while her council house was being readied (she was moved on from supported accomodation as they can't have babies there). Her boyfriend, her and the baby lived with us for 7 weeks.
She did really well and was a wonderful mum. Adored the baby, met all her needs and seemed to be loving it.
Fast forward another 6 months (baby is now 8 months old). She starts not coping so well. Is drinking in the evenings and struggling to get up in the mornings. It is decided that the baby will go to childcare during the day when the dad can't be there due to work. She isn't ever alone with the baby.
Well another month goes by and she decides she wants help with her depression and anxiety. She finally goes to the dr (been trying for 5 years to get her to go). Starts anti depressants.
This month, baby is now 10 months old. She decides she doesnt want her relationship anymore (turns out it was toxic, abusive and controlling both ways which I didnt know) and tells him to move out, with the baby. He goes to his mums. Daughter can't be alone with the baby so I am supervising visits (after he was and they ended up screaming at each other constantly).
Hes not being a good dad, not attentive etc and his mum is doing most of everything. He's being very toxic towards everyone else with constant texts, just turning up, messaging in the middle of the night, kicking off and trying to turn her whole family against her.
Shes getting worse, drinking all the time, has taken in a random man and taking drugs. No self care at all and cancels contact whenever she feels like it.
Today he went round to get the last of his stuff, arranged by her and she is drunk, has a razor blade and tries to cut herself. He grabs her arms to stop her and gets cut himself.
He rang to tell me and has told his mum she is in a bad way, covered in cuts and bruises and drunk.
I called her, she was upset but said she was fine and wouldn't let me see her. Went round anyway (as mums do) and knocked repeatedly. Called her, no answer. Text her again and she said she's out and that she's an adult, she's told me she's fine and I can't just turn up.
I told her I would always show up if I'm worried and she said I was to have fun standing outside then.
I'm at my wits end and really don't know where to go from here.
Every day there is some new crisis, some new drama she's causing. Her poor daughter is stuck in the middle of this horrible situation and my mental and physical health is in the gutter after 5 years of hell.
Does anyone have any advice?
I've been told to go no contact with her before but she is still only 18. If I have no contact then she won't see her daughter (she won't arrange it and there will be no one to supervise). What if she really hurts or kills herself and I wasn't there for her!