Struggling badly

[Limpet1]

Hey

I know this is going to really upset some people but please try to stay respectful as I cannot tell you how low I am feeling.

I am 14 weeks pregnant and recently used my partners I-pad I discovered that throughout our relationship he has used sex workers, real grim stuff, pretty much every time we have been out of each others sight. I am traumatised, devastated, I literally had a breakdown and couldn’t speak, think clearly, I fell to the ground. Then had the worst anxiety for days and days. Sadly I had decided to myself that I could not have the baby and booked a termination which I know at 14 weeks is horrendous I just couldn’t see another way or any hope; that I couldn’t live with being trapped in life with this person and I drank ALOT for 4 straight days. Some crazy part of me could only cope with everything I had seen, read and the future of total uncertainty with alcohol. I literally lost my mind. After I woke up on the morning following the last time drank (6 days ago). My heart completely changed and now I would love to keep the baby, but I feel like I cant. What if I am damaged her permanently by my absolute stupidity. I feel so stuck, confused, ashamed.

Has anyone ever been through something like this? Where everything was okay? I am sure not many people would ever consider drinking intentionally but the fact is I think I mentally broke.

Feeling so low. Any advice would be great.

thank you x

Hi there,

Just seen your post. Hope you're ok today.
I think you have a few choices :

Leave partner and become a single mum to your child.
Forgive partner and have child
Have termination

Firstly though, make an app with your GP and tell them what you told us and whether there's any danger excess alcohol will have had any effect on fetus. You must be worried out of your mind, so do it NOW.
Then you're going to have to decide if you're going to leave your partner and bring up your baby alone or stay.

As someone who's been in your shoes ( finding my husband had been consistently cheating and addicted to sex workers on his computer, too) I will tell you that it's highly unlikely he's going to stop an established sex addiction without professional help, no matter what he promises you when you confront him.

I'm so desperately sorry this has happened to you , but bringing a baby into this relationship ( if that's what you decide) isn't going to make him stop cheating. They get addicted to the excitement.
I hope you have a good support system around you whatever you decide.

I believe, at 14 weeks, that the baby will be unaffected by the alcohol. Think of all the addicts who used throughout pregnancy and had normal babies.

You have a real hard road ahead but do it in small bits. At the end of the road is peace and you with your baby. So bit by bit. Tell him you know first and go to your GP. That’s all you have to do this week. Best of love and luck.