How to tell kids about fathers drug use

[MorrowTreasure]

So this. My kids father that I’m separated from has relapsed and I think I should tell my kids. They’re aware he has mental health problems but not aware of previous addiction issues as last crisis they were a lot younger. I think they’re old enough now to understand a bit and they already know his behaviour has changed plus I think I am going to have to say no to contact again as he is actively using. How do you tell children about this? I know they will find it frightening.

How old are they?

10 and 14

I had exactly this issue and I thought he was on the verge of dying so I had to tell our 19 year old - he had been clean and sober for 20 years but relapsed in Covid and was in and out of addiction for 3 more years. He went back into treatment in Covid so it had been hidden. It was very bad my son was so so so angry with him we were on holiday when it really came to a head. I feal for you my son had a lot of shame he got therapy

I think they are old enough to tell them the truth. Explain that they already know their dad has mental health issues and tell them that this is often triggered by and self medicated by drug use. Ask school safeguarding to explain it better, it'll be something they are trained to deal with. It's going to be tough for them though, so just let make sure they feel safe.

Yes I think mine will struggle with shame also. Can I ask how/where you accessed therapy for your son and did he find it useful? My eldest is very shy about talking /being with people she doesn’t know well and has outright rejected any ideas of therapy before.

Our local drug and alcohol service has support for families and will be able to give information about how to share this with young people.

At that age you can be honest. You know your kids and how much they can understand/cope with.

@MorrowTreasure i am a trained therapist in addiction not working so I got a friend/therapist to have some sessions with him. It’s bloody awful and my son has struggled with his self worth I think from it but the biggest casualty is his little 7 year old my son’s half brother he just isn’t there for him. Addicts are selfish and it’s bloody sad my son feels it acutely around other families I think

Yes it’s so difficult for the kids and I just want to protect them from it and I can’t. Not easy for us either keeping everything going around the chaos created.

@MorrowTreasure yes totally hear where your coming from so sad for you all. Total mess is another kevsl my sons father was clean abd sober 20 years so my son has only known him like that