Think I need to break away

[JustNeedSomeSupportRightNow]

Gosh this is so hard to type, but I’m feeling really sad and confused right now, and just hoping there might be someone else who’s been in this situation. Looking for some support and advice, without judgement.

So I’ve been with my boyfriend for almost a year now, we’re both mid 40s. I really thought we had a future together.

The thing is, he’s a drug addict. He smokes cannabis every day, from first thing in the morning, to last thing at night. He doesn’t believe he’s addicted.

He always seems to be ill at the moment, has a terrible cough, and says it’s hay fever. I don’t know whether the cannabis causes this or not, but it’s starting to really irritate me.

I feel like when I’m not with him, he just smokes all day. I mean he does work full time, and has a responsible job, so I realise he can’t actually do that, but when he’s at home. He sometimes works from home.

I have kids, he doesn’t. My kids haven’t met him.

Ive tried to say before that I’m not keen on the drug use, but he got really defensive and said it just helps him relax. He thinks it’s like having a drink. I’ve said I don’t like feeling that he’s always ‘stoned’ or needs to be. He tells me it’s not like that.

I feel like every time we go out somewhere, especially of an evening, he just wants to get home for a smoke (he hasn’t said this, but I can tell). I like to go to gigs etc, he says he will come to make me happy, and generally does enjoy it.

I feel like I need to finish things with him, but also like I need to give him a chance, yet I don’t think he’s going to change.

I have my kids for half the week, as I co parent with my ex. I usually see my boyfriend once or twice in the week, and every other weekend. I’m worried about making a hasty decision I’ll regret, and being sad and lonely on my own.

How do I broach this again, and tell him I don’t feel like I can just accept it?

Well you've spoken to him and he hasn't stopped so what are you expecting to happen if you speak to him again?

If you can't live with his weed smoking and don't want it around your children then finish the relationship.

Seems unlikely he’ll choose you over the weed, so ‘giving him a chance’ is unlikely to work out. It needn’t be lonely being single, or seeking someone without this habit/addiction.

not ‘hasty’ to end it, the hasty decision was continuing to date him when the extent of his drug use became clear.

Don’t be worried to be sad and alone. That’s shaky ground and leads you to make poor choices.
Your boyfriend doesn’t want to give up weed, so he won’t. If that’s not acceptable to you (it wouldnt be to me) then it’s not hasty to end it. I’d spend some time getting comfortable with your own company though. That will protect you from settling for less.

Don't do this to yourself. A boyfriend should make your life easier and happier, not worried and unhappy.

Dump

This post is so sad OP - for you.
Someone who wants to smoke that much weed is addicted and also wants to zone out from the world, where no one else matters but them and their habit.
What you want here seems to not matter at all.
Luckily for you, you are not dependent on this person. You have your own life and interests elsewhere.
You could never introduce your DC to him as there would be no point.
Also, from a physical point of view, his health is already in decline. I dread to think what his home must smell like as well.
I know you must care for him very deeply but read your post again and imagine your best friend or a daughter bringing this problem to you - and what you would say.
If someone is using a substance that much that it shuts out the world then they are an addict.
You can try and reason with them but they will never give it up until they decide to - and that’s usually only when rock bottom beckons.
Go out there and live life to the full - find someone to share your world with, who wants to embrace your interests. Someone you can introduce to your family, too.
I have huge empathy for anyone touched by addiction, but when it’s active the substance of choice, an easier life, and a head stuck in the sand cushions someone from facing up to it.
Hope you know you are worth much more than this OP.