Family member cocaine addiction - where to begin please

[Jan879]

Family member has alienated himself for last year or so. I’ve only recently found out the extent of what’s been going on. He’s not been paying his bills, therefore has bailiffs round (a lot apparently) he’s also recently banned from driving (driving under the influence of cocaine). He’s thousands of pounds in debt and totally maxed out credits cards/loans. He’s had money off friends and family and never paid it back to the point where some have cut him off. He’s had over £10,000 from an elderly family member who he’s pretty much wiped out money wise now. Another family member took out a few thousand loan out for him because of his bad credit, he hasn’t even attempted to pay that back so they’re stuck with the loan repayments. He’s slowly burning more bridges. I was also informed last night that he doesn’t think he’s got a problem he thinks it everyone else and blames everyone else. For example, he’s been banned because the police stopped him and it’s the police’s fault. Not his fault for driving dangerously and being pulled over. I’m trying my best to speak to him, but he won’t listen, I’ve tried to offer taking him to a drug rehab group, I’ve offer to ring step change debt charity together. Nothing, only he has a pain in his back which is why he can’t work (I don’t know if he’s been sacked) he’s a compulsive liar. As soon as his back problem is sorted he will be able to work and all will be fine, he just needs more money for bills etc. No one seems to hear off him all week, then when Friday comes around, he needs money for shopping, bills, (it was the something on the car until he was banned, new tyres, brakes etc) anyway every Friday he’s ringing around family/friends asking to borrow 2/300 quid, if they say no, he’s threatening to kill himself, so they give in. He’s taken gas/electric money off a pensioner knowing they have no more money.

This really is the tip of the iceberg and I’m still in shock of only finding the extent of this last night. Please can anyone give me any starting suggestions, I don’t know anyone with a drug addiction, please also be gentle, I’m pregnant so aware that I’m very hormonal if anything I’ve said has come across offensive - I apologise, I just really don’t know what to do.

Thank you

Struggling with my addiction. I want help but can’t seem to do it. I’m a total loser!

Hi

im a recovery coordinator at a drug and alcohol service.

theres not a great deal you can do until he is ready to admit he has a problem and wants support, but it may be worth planting the seed.

gather information from your local drug service and give him it. We use a technique called motivational interviewing- so we don’t tell people their solutions, we word questions in a way that make them realise their own problems and solutions.

so, you could start by saying ‘the way you’re living your life is concerning me’ him ‘why’
you - ‘why do you think I’m concerned?’ Eventually he will say why. Sounds like he will blame others for his situation, so then say ‘why do you think that’ he’ll tell you … and then you could say something like ‘ do you feel able to make decisions about your life so you’re in control’ …and just carry that conversation on.

he may not say he wants help immediately, but you will have planed a seed. From there on continue the conversations, with empathy. Placing blame, guilt or shame on him won’t work. Telling him to do it for the family won’t work. People with addiction are unable to put others before their addiction, the addiction rules their whole being.

also give him NA and CA meeting info

in terms of protecting yourself and family - report any illegal behaviour. This is important as it may force him into attending an appointment called a required assessment at his local drug service, where a professional will discuss treatment options and harm reduction.

hope this helps

Would the police bust me if I use cocaine? I am worried sick and have my plan in place to help stop