Hey everyone I just need a space to speak
my sons dad has had an addiction probably the whole time I’ve know him.
i was 25 when I met him and didn’t realise the depth of it all. He was horribly narcissistic throughout the relationship. Lied to cover his addiction from telling me he had a low wage from work just so he could spend more on drugs to strapping a ‘clean’ bottle of urine to his leg as his work place performed random drug testing.
that’s the condensed version.
fast forward to now, we have been split up going on 5 years. My life is heading in the direction I want, I thought he was doing ok too but he is falling down deeper into his addiction. We have a son together, 4. He also has 2 other children.
I had noticed a few things over a span of about a month (he had every other weekend) that he son was returned unwashed, in the same clothes all weekend, smelling like dads body odour) and had a conversation about it with him and nothing changed so I invited him in the next time he dropped my son off and asked him what was going on and he confessed it all to me about how bad it’s gotten and it’s just broke me really. He is working to pay his full wages to dealers who are now threatening him due to owed money, not paying his bills, no money on his utilities and some have been shut off. This was probably about 3/4 weeks ago now but I feel sick to my stomach, I’m upset. Upset for my son and upset for ex too.
All the children have been stopped from going to his.
he said he’s going to go to meetings and he’s been to 1 so far and made excuses to not to go to the rest. He’s got friends around him who have been in the same position and who are now in recovery. They contact him but get no reply.
I feel like he’s already passed away. Maybe that sounds weird to say but it’s how I feel. I feel upset, I feel like he is gone. I’m sad for my son, I don’t want him to grow up without a dad and I know if my ex doesn’t get the help he needs then this will be the case.
he can’t see why I have stopped my son from going, he says it isn’t helping him.. I know I’ve done the right thing.
I try and encourage him and check in asking how he is doing but more often than not I get met with abuse but if I don’t message then he will say that he’s no one to talk to and feels isolated.
I know it’s not my job to fix him. It pains me to see him going through this and for my son too. It’s taking a toll on me now, I’m loosing weight, I feel sick all the time. I don’t have feelings for him anymore, I wouldn’t want to see anyone going through what he is, not even my worst enemy. I just feel so sad and not myself. I feel like I’m waiting for a call from his mum telling me something has happened.
if anyone has any advice or anything I’d appreciate it but I don’t think there’s anything more that I can do without jeopardising my own mental wellbeing.