Best friend addicted to drugs?

[Mynewusername100]

Hi all

i may be posting this in the wrong sub but I couldn’t find a more appropriate one. I’m an active poster on other boards but NC for this as linked to my previous threads would be very identifiable. I am finding this very painful to post but here we go…

Anyway have changed some details for anonymity….

I am really worried about my best friend. She’s my long term best friend of close to 20 years. We grew up together and have been through the most difficult periods of each others lives…financial troubles, bereavements, breakups etc

she has been with her current partner almost 10 years and has children with him and children to previous short relationship. I have always been very fond of her partner but I know he comes from an abusive and painful background.

They have always both indulged in recreational drug use (none of my business) but over the last 2 years she has practically cut me off apart from to ask me for money (at least once a week.) by this stage I had children and naturally priorities changed and we seen each other less but yet she was always ask for money on a weekly basis. I was always happy to lend as wouldn’t see my BF stuck but over time she stopped responding to my texts or attempts to meet up with her and the children and would only message me when wanting a lend of money. This went on for a long time with all other contact reduced only hearing from her when she needed money. I finally put a stop to it 6 months ago and said no more.

i sporadically hear from her since. I make arrangements to see her and the children and plans are made then ignored. My DSis is also very close friends with her and is in the same predicament as me in that we are ghosted, ignored, only good to borrow money off then not paid back. We’ve had our concerns about her for a long time…

I have spoken to a distant friend of mine recently who is/was a close friend of her and shares my concerns. Everyone is in agreement that she has got heavily involved in drugs and is cutting everyone out of her life…we are all very concerned and no one wants to let go of her as I wish I could always be here to support her if she wants it, but I am at the stage now it feels like a lost cause and no matter how painful it may be it may be the right time to cut her off from my life?

I have very young children with disabilities who I care for and my life is a whirlwind of medical appointments and care for my children but I would never cut out the people I care about. I really worry for her and the kids but my attempts to help are either ignored or told it’s all her DP’s fault…

I’m desperate to help and not see her further spiral but I’m not sure I can be a part of her life anymore.
If anyone as any advice or even experience to tell me about I would really appreciate it.

Are you sure it’s definitely drugs and not depression? Have you contacted social services about the kids if you know it’s definitely drugs and she’s cutting people off?

I don’t know for sure it’s drugs….i know her DP has had issues with drugs which she has been honest about and I know they used them recreationally often so I’m putting 2 and 2 together and potentially making 5 but I don’t think so… I think it’s clear from her behaviour shes hard into drugs (for instance I know she was lying to me about taking it regularly but then telling my DSis that she was.)

I have not contacted children’s services as I am aware the children are loved and cared for and not at risk for neglect or immediate danger or abuse…I am just so worried about my friend

Maybe addiction support section would be the best section to find out about drug support .

Well she’s already pretty much cut you and her other friends off and you can’t make her stop doing that. Let her know that you won’t keep trying to arrange meet ups as it doesn’t seem to be what she wants right now but you’ll always be happy to get together with her if that changes. Then just text every few weeks to ask how she’s doing. You seem like a very good friend to have and hopefully she’ll remember that soon and things will go back to being more the way they were

It doesn’t sound to me as if you can help without putting yourself at risk of financial abuse and being dragged down a rabbit hole.

I think when people are in the grip of an addiction this bad there’s not much practical support you can give without basically enabling it.

Distancing yourself with love, letting her know you are there for her when she’s ready but having an absolute red line about not giving money is probably the best approach now.

I think you need to safeguard the children and report to ss. No child should be in this situation