I have had no responses in the teen thread and I am at the end of my teether. I've been on here a few times about ds 19 and his weed habits, hanging with the wrong crowd, being unemployed. Never had any behaviour issues with him at school until after lockdown when he turned 16 and started getting into trouble. He had a brief period where he settled down with a gf (although that created new drama's but not so much drugs) but then that ended after 3 years in the summer.
He is now 19, lost his job due to start of weed. Hanging with the wrong crowd etc. He fell out with some kids over a girl and then they came looking for him. I then found a knife in his bag a week later as just had a gut feeling, I seem to just know when he is up to no good. It said it was for protection, wasn't going to use obviously we all know the outcomes of that excuse. Again I went mad with fear, but we spoke to him it never ends well and it's a prison sentence if caught with it.
Then a few weeks later he stayed with my mum for a few weeks after I caught him with weed bags and scales, he had just started to deal to pay for his weed and I asked him to leave so my mum took him in. Thought it was county lines shit but it wasn't. He seemed to calm down, came off weed but then he had no money. He was eating better and was more respectful there, not going out as much abd coming back early. We visited and spent time with him to build that bridge again.
He then agreed he could come home, we got a doctors appointment (no idea what's happening with that), arranged the job centre appointment)UC to try and get him back to work and I got him a gym membership to help with his MH.
Things were ok but then he managed to get some Christmas money early and has started vaping THC in my house! He was pretending to be good by not going out at all, when he was secretly doing drugs in my house and blatantly lying.
Obviously I went mad. He smashed things again. Threatening me because I took it off him. We talked etc and he said he wouldn't use it again, didn't realise how bad it could be. Told us all the stuff we wanted to hear. Grandparents spoke to him. Things settled. He then was on his best behaviour again, but now I realise I think it's because he wanted his Xmas presents/money. To add no one gave him money accept one person £10, which I didn't realise until too late. He pretty much changed again after that the next day once he got what he wanted, and has been horrible since. He has recently started going out again, so now I'm guessing he has had his first UC payment but he denies it as hasn't gave me any rent money.
I have woke him up over hour ago to go to the job centre as he has his first appointment, he looks high. His appointment is at 11.30. He is still in the getting dressed. I love him but I do not like him. I think our relationship has now completely broken because I am the one who has caught him out (dad always oblivious) and he doesn't like it. There is no communication, I have cried so much and I can see now he doesn't care. He lies and I think he is actually really manipulative, I think the whole staying in before Christmas was to get presents/money and he played the long game for a few weeks. And obviously THC helped him deal with that.
I am at a point I feel like I have lost him, I am completely broken and my marriage is also breaking. My other ds has his GCSEs this year and I should be supporting him and he is around all this toxic environment. I have been asking for help since he was 16 and I've had nothing. I don't know what to do and if it weren't for my other ds I probably wouldn't be on this earth now. We are good people, we live in a out house, nice area. I don't know what I have done wrong.