Gambling

[PrettyButterflies]

I've recently separated from my husband of 4 years. I always knew he liked a gamble (slots) but never realised how bad this was. This is now the second time we have split over this because he cannot seem to kick the habit. Aside from the loss of money (his own money, I have been careful to separate my own finances), the associated behaviours that run alongside this addiction are having a massive impact on me and my mental health. The anger, temper, lies, secrecy, stonewalling, gaslighting and other narcissistic tendencies are just too much. I don't know what to do. I want to help him and support him but not at the cost of my own health and I know this is going to require professional intervention. I get anxiety when he's around, every time I try to discuss this with him he tells me I am "starting" or gets angry with me. Sometimes I get angry myself because I am frustrated and I shout back at him, then he tells me I am crazy and abusive. I am at my wits end with this. Any advice would be helpful. Thank you.

EDIT

Also when I try to talk to him he threatens to leave. This is how we have ended up separated again, he done it too much and the last time I told him not to come back. He took a bag and left. I do feel guilty and he knows I do.

My daughter was in the same situation as you last year. She gave her husband a second chance and he did the same thing again and, in fact gambled a lot more money.
she walked out with her head held high. She has never regretted it for one moment. She told me it was the hardest decision she has ever made but she is only going to live once and she couldn’t give up her life for this.
He is with somebody else now but I often wonder if he is doing the same with his new partner ?

Thank you for your words. I know there are many people in the same situation. It's literally the worst feeling. I am experiencing a myriad of emotions right now but one thing I can't deny is that I have peace and quiet at home. He has not returned and I don't want him here. He is still gambling but at least I don't have to deal with the aftermath of this.

No you don’t I know it’s hard but try to relax. Be kind to yourself and do things that make you happy. I absolutely promise you that if you stay strong you will be happy 😊 always here if you need an ear x

I was married to a gambler, he loved fruit machines.
Often there was money that would go missing or some of my stuff, which I later found he'd sold.
He'd sometimes need to lend someone £50 and never get it back.
The straw that broke the camels back was when he lent 1k off a work colleague and they refused to tell me how much he was owing.
I tried to cut off every feasible access he had to cash and in the end I lost the battle; the addiction was more important than the marriage and we divorced.
I can only say it's the lies and the cover up that break you, you can't believe a word they say and you'll never have anything.
I'm sorry but unless they get help, you will always feel as you do.

When I went through something similar with a friend who struggled with gambling, I found that professional help was crucial. Therapy and support groups can offer both the person struggling and their loved ones some needed guidance.One thing that helped me was finding resources and information online, like using a site that lists top online casino options for understanding the gambling landscape. This gave me insights into the industry and how to spot warning signs. It might also be worth suggesting he speaks to a counselor who specializes in gambling addiction.