Please or to access all these features

Addiction support

Mumsnet doesn't verify the qualifications of users. If you have medical concerns, please consult a healthcare professional.

Help please folks

4 replies

Roundandroundwegogo · 03/02/2023 09:58

My husband is a high-functioning addict. He drinks every single day. 2 bottles of wine a night or 10-12 cans of larger, sometimes whiskey and/or gin on top of that, other times just a bottle of whiskey. He can hold his drink very well, and if someone didn't know him, they wouldn't have a clue.

I don't drink at all, not even on special occasions/birthdays etc. His alcohol use has always been a problem for me, although when we met at University over 30 years ago, I would match him drink for drink, but that changed as I matured.

Last night we argued because he told me he had come to an end of doing dry January. His dry January was zero % alcohol larger every day, with whiskey on top. To me, there is nothing dry about his January, but I got severely criticised for not being supportive of his attempts and for always looking for the worst when I pointed out that whiskey isn't zero % alcohol. He felt I should be celebrating his choice to drink alcohol-free larger. But besides that, I found evidence of him using powdered drugs a few weeks ago. I've always known he has a tendency towards substances, but I thought that was over, considering we have teenage children and he runs a successful company which comes with many responsibilities. When I confronted him with the paper wrap I'd found, which had remnants of white powder, he told me a long story about how I should be congratulating him (really!!!!!) for being an occasional user and that he had a serious problem a few years back, which he concealed from me, so he had done very well to cut down his use. I always had my suspicions, but before, I never had the evidence, and if I asked him, he denied it. I feel betrayed and like I'm in a bind. Despite him being the one creating problems in the relationship, he turns it around to make out I'm the problem! I'm fed up with it. Please tell me I'm not going mad.

OP posts:
bluejelly · 03/02/2023 11:21

Oh gosh sorry to hear. He certainly sounds like he is an alcoholic. He must be seriously damaging his health and be very difficult to live with.
You probably know already that you can't fix him.
You can only seek support for yourself. I would suggest Al-anon.
Personally I would be making plans to leave. Living with an addict is grim.

bluejelly · 03/02/2023 11:22

And you are definitely not going mad!

Roundandroundwegogo · 03/02/2023 12:12

Thank you for understanding, @bluejelly. It is horrid, but after being together for so, so many years, our lives are completely intertwined. The fact we both work in his company also doesn't help, and having teenagers who are on the cusp of making their own way in the world makes me think, "I'll just hang on a bit longer until this, or that, happens", as I fear turning their world completely upside down and them resenting me. Added to it all is how my DH makes me out to be difficult to the kids, and they idolise him.

OP posts:
bluejelly · 03/02/2023 12:24

I totally get that, I really do, especially in terms of the business/lifestyle etc. But I also think you must prioritise your sanity and wellbeing in the long term. If you are struggling (even under the surface) your children will pick that up. And what are they learning about alcohol from your husband's behaviour?
He sounds an awful role model whose behaviour is being enabled (albeit for understandable reasons).
I would definitely recommend therapy and Al-Anon to start to unpick some of this. It doesn't have to involve him (and any way you can't force someone to go to therapy.)

New posts on this thread. Refresh page