Addicted to shopping - especially Handbags

[Bimbop5]

This is quite embarrassing but I have a shopping addiction. The main thing is handbags but also shoes, coats, clothes. Sigh. I just went and bought 10 bags off of poshmark. Granted they are cheap like 20 bucks - 30 bucks but it adds up! I thankfully do not have debt but I did in the past.

This morning I woke up and said enough is enough. I took my payment info out of all the places that I shop online. I unsubscribed from watching youtube luxury handbag hauls, etc. I wrote my husband an email explaining that i was sick of it and feel out of control.

I started this back when my cat died in 2014. And in 2020 my Dad and following right on that my Mom was diagnosed with dementia. I feel I’m using this to deal with grief. Plus perimenopause didnt’ help and now that I have been in menopause 3 years I’m grieving the loss of my body being how it used to be as I see things slowly changing. It all makes me so sad.

Is there anyone else out there like this? :(

Meant to say my dad died

You need to try counselling xxx

I have a counseling appointment on Monday :)

I am a bit like this. Never to the point of causing myself financial difficulty, but I’ve always been a spend rather than save kind of person, and definitely wasted a ton of money over the years buying stuff I don’t need.

I’ve always managed to convince myself that having X coat or Y bag would improve my life. Also, like you, would convince myself that buying cheap or second hand was fine because they’re bargains.

I remember developing a fixation on vintage handbags a few years back, and coming to my senses and realising that it was all about the thrill of the chase, scouring eBay and Etsy for good deals. I have a box of vintage bags I keep meaning to resell on eBay. They are a reminder of what an idiot I am.

For the past five years or so I’ve been coming to the realisation that I have a lot of autistic and ADHD traits (I am finally getting myself assessed in the spring). People with ADHD often have issues with compulsive spending due to lack of dopamine. Researching what you want to buy (like watching YouTube haul videos), planning, scouring websites, then finally buying all works to gives the brain a thrill/a dopamine hit.

You may not recognise that in yourself but I thought it was worth mentioning.

wow that is actually really interesting because I have been diagnosed with ADHD not too long ago. That makes a lot of sense. And I agree its the chase of scoring a “good deal” and researching it etc that I like. After I have it I really could care less and that is why its so wasteful. I mean there are a few bags that I enjoy and am glad I have. But the majority I don’t really care about now.

So far I have been able to curtail my spending since I spoke with my husband but I have bags coming still in the mail and those are keeping the thrill alive if that makes sense? I’m more worried about once there isn’t anything coming in the mail. I think then it will be harder to resist buying more.

But actually admitting this all has helped enormously. I”m looking forward to speaking to my counselor on Monday.

Thanks for letting me know about the dopamine and ADHD. I had no idea.

Oh wow, there you go! Definitely worth reading up on ADHD and dopamine, and how that plays into impulsive/compulsive shopping.

Hi @Bimbop5 , I was searching for someone to talk to and your thread came up. I am addicted to online shopping. As soon as I sit down to relax, I reach for my phone and the search for the perfect jacket/shoes/dress/boots/bag begins. Even household items - I google until I find something great.

When I have found the item that excites me, I then search for voucher codes to get the best price and 'save' money. I am careful not to get into debt, aside from sometimes going overdrawn but I am wasting so much money and really need to stop.

Sometimes I don't even wear the items and I have lots of things with the tags still on. If I find something really good I even order more than one, so I have a back-up if one item gets worn out.

I have also been identified by a counsellor friend as possibly having ADHD and 3 online tests suggest without a doubt I have it, my 20 yr old son has recently been positively diagnosed with it too by a psych professional.

Just feel a bit stupid and hopeless.

Don’t feel stupid and hopeless @LadyBiker. I found what you said really relatable.

Have a think about pursuing the diagnosis. If you Google ADHD and “NHS right to choose” there’s a lot of info about the process.