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My sister needs help

5 replies

SoThisIs43 · 19/10/2022 22:53

My sister is in her late 40s she's divorced with 2 boys age 17 and 20 both at home. She got out of a long term relationship a year ago which ended badly and almost straight into a new one with a man she's known since school. This man has had major stints of heroin addiction since his late teens. He's been in prison multiple times and he's been disowned by his family..we were all gobsmacked when she started seeing him. Cut a long story short My sister has a good well paid job in the nhs and 2 lovely boys she's attractive and outgoing. In 9 months she's become a cocaine addict and alcoholic. She's neglecting her kids, she's drink driving on a daily basis. She's in thousands worth of debt, she doesn't hardly shower or clean her home, she's practically lost her job of 25 years amd she's not paying rent and bills cos she's buying cocaine. And she's allowing a smack head with a string of convictions to threaten her kids and chosing him over everything. As a family we've tried to intervene we've taken her to doctors for help and advise with addiction and we've offered countless support and advise. Its taken over our lives and started to affect our own families. She's so deep into this that her boys have gone to live with their dad, for safety and for their own mental health. I'm so scared she's going to end up dead and I don't know what to do anymore.

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junebirthdaygirl · 19/10/2022 23:12

Can she go into a residential rehab place where at least for a month she has no access to anything. She is obviously a very broken woman underneath and needs a lot of support from specialised therapists.
It's a huge burden on you all .

SoThisIs43 · 20/10/2022 00:08

@junejunebirthdaygirl I've looked online at that and it costs thousands. The nhs don't really offer anything unless she's willing and then it's mainly the 3 step program that isn't residential. It's so hard and draining and things have escalated the past month massively x

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wheretoyougonow · 20/10/2022 00:12

I'm so sorry to read this. What an awful situation for you. It might be worth contacting your local Turning Point to discuss how to encourage your sister to engage with help. 💐

serene12 · 20/10/2022 20:53

What an awful situation.
When we had a family member in addiction, I got and still get support from www.famanon.org.uk. This is a 12 step programme for the families/friends of somebody with a suspected drug addiction, they have a website, forum, helpline, literature and Zoom and face to face meetings. I have learnt to detach with love, set boundaries, not to enable. The most valuable lesson I have learnt it that I am truly powerless over people i.e. I cannot rescue my loved one. Only the addict can choose to seek help and recovery.
The 3 C’s
You didn’t CAUSE it
You can’t CURE it
You can’t CONTROL it

SoThisIs43 · 21/10/2022 07:33

@serene12 thankyou so much!!!

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