Need support , my partners ice addiction ruining everything

[Alysrose93]

Hi everyone ❤️

I am currently 11 weeks pregnant with my first child. I have previously been addicted to heroin / ice and a variety of drugs but have been sober now almost 2 years. My partner has struggled with ice addiction his whole life. When we got together he was able to give it up for a while and was only intermittently using... every 7 weeks or so he would lapse and binge, sometimes not.

We were not planning on a child but he's always been so excited to be a father and finally that is our reality.. due next year in march 💗

The issue is he's been on an ice binge and left me posted, barely any contact hasn't come home and when he does call me off a payphone ... it's accusations that I'm cheating 😳😮‍💨 I know he's paranoid and that the drugs are affecting him badly.

I guess I'm just posting this because I'm extremely scared that I'm going to be a single mum. I really don't know how to handle this. All I want to do is go and find him and bring him home but I don't want to enable him and want him to WANT this to work just as bad as I do.

I've got so much anger I guess because it hurts me that he could throw this all away.. his job .. me and the opportunity to get clean and be a good dad.

If there's anyone out there that has been through something similar or if you have any advice.. I'd really appreciate it. Even just someone to talk to...

Sorry for the long rant. ❤️ I'm also from Sydney Australia..

This isn't going to end well, is it? You need to put your child first.

You are already single.

You can’t have anyone who is addicted to heroin around a newborn baby.
He needs to take himself off to get clean… (even then I’m not sure I would trust him to be honest.)

You need to be practical. It’s likely you could end up homeless if he’s the bill payer…

Do you rent? Mortgage? Work? Do you have family support?

I’d recommend having a look through this website codauk.org/patterns-and-characteristics-of-co-dependency/

You’re in an unhealthy relationship and want to “fix” it.

You can’t fix him. But you need to accept that so you stop trying to do so.

You’re putting his needs above your own and above your baby’s.

I think you’ll get a lot out of CODA, op.

It won’t get any better - you know this and realistically there’s only one thing you can do, split with him immediately.

Talk to Centrelink if you need financial help (their social workers are very helpful) - single parenting payment etc will make sure you’ve got enough $$. Sadly, they will have heard it all before as ice is such a huge problem over here. I’m up in the Hunter Valley and it’s a massive problem locally.

Talk to your midwifery team about what’s been happening and accept whatever help they can offer you. You and your baby deserve better than this and until he can get (and stay) clean he can’t give you what you deserve.

good luck.

How are you all doing @Alysrose93? 💐

I think the thing to be extremely scared of is having a child with a drug addicted partner to be honest, rather than being a single mum.