Facing Emotions

[autumnsunflower]

Hi. I am trying to overcome an addiction (not drugs or alcohol). I use my "habit" to give myself a boost when I am low or to block out emotions.

Since being "clean" I am facing all sorts of emotions I used to block and feeling low.

Anyone been through this and got any advice? I think if I can go 30 days it might get easier

@autumnsunflower I'm surprised no-one's replied and hope that you might see this.

How are you doing? It's OK if you've given in to your addiction, you can experiment with stopping again and again.

Having typed this post, I realise that nowadays I totally know that the painful emotions and feeling low are the problem; your addiction is a coping mechanism to stop you feeling these things. You probably realise that, but I just wanted to state that clearly; people can be so uncompassionate about addicts, but that is always what's going on.

I stopped drinking alcohol, which I would reach for when I was feeling low.

Exactly as you say:
"Since being "clean" I am facing all sorts of emotions I used to block and feeling low."

2 suggestions:

1. Try facing the feelings by being INTERESTED in the uncomfortable feeling...ask "why do I feel like this right now?" and sit with it.

I keep an intermittent "journal" of sorts, write down thoughts that pop up when I sit with the discomfort and allow myself to actually feel the feelings. I am not very good at doing this very often, but you might start to see patterns of when you feel bad and would prefer to smother the feelings with your addiction.

2. Talking to a supportive therapist, if affordable, would probably help you to work through the underlying things that make you feel bad. (I have long since given up on the NHS being able to provide useful therapy), use this website to find a reputable therapist:

www.bacp.co.uk/search/Therapists

There is a plethora of self-help books out there, but unless you've a clue why you have trouble with the painful emotions then it might be hard to find the right one (clue, it's very often things from your childhood, few of us escape our families damaging us to a greater or lesser degree!) You could spend some time in a local library browsing he self-help psychology books.

I am not a therapist or expert. But I am someone who experiences painful emotions, who has often covered them up with alcohol and is lucky enough to have an ongoing relationship with a therapist. If you'd like to say more here, I certainly won't judge you.

Hi @FinalNameChange. Thanks for your reply!

I'm doing OK. I gave into the addiction on Thursday but apart from that one difficult day I'm OK.

I've got lots to deal with at the moment and the addiction is a crutch. I'm getting better at facing the emotions and know if I have a difficult evening I will probably feel better the next day.

It's good to know you saw my thoughts; if you have a lot going on, then only giving in once in a week deserves praise; have a virtual gold star from me.

I forgot to say - I also have a monthly calendar where I have a daily ticklist for "no alcohol". I can look back at the month and see I had e.g. 3, 4, 5 evenings of wine; that's an OK outcome for "not drinking" when some days really get to you.

Thanks. I went over 2 weeks without giving in to my addiction so I suppose it's not too bad and I can abstain again.

I also mark on the calendar how many days I've gone without giving in.

Often when we are using an addiction it helps us avoid not only the negative feelings, but the cause of those feelings. Be that something in our current lives we are unhappy with or something in our pasts we have not dealt with. Dealing with my trauma and past experiences has helped me some way in dealing with my 'negative coping strategies'/ habits/ addictions, but I am still struggling with the current life problems and dealing with them head on. I have found exercise, routine and going back on antidepressants are helping somewhat but unfortunately for me some of the life problems are not so easy to solve, and some are unsolvable. Addictions are like putting a plaster on a wound, when what we need to do is ask why there is a wound and try to heal it, not keep covering it in plasters. But it's not easy, if it was everyone would do it, and of course many people never do.

@Knittynanna - very well put! My addiction is just like putting a plaster on a wound. It blocks the negative emotions for about half an hour but then they come back and I feel rubbish about indulging.

Exercise has helped me too.

Just a thought - should we keep this thread going so that can support each other and anyone else that wants to join in?

@autumnsunflower I think that's a good idea, if anyone wants to join in.

That is a great way of putting it, plaster on the emotions. I do a similar thing and mark off the calendar. Sometimes nothing happens and the addiction will get in my head and sort of "take over" it's almost robotic, if that makes sense. I am thinking of attending a support group, I will try exercise too as you've both said it helps :) thank you