Drugs and newborn baby

[advice233]

Hi everyone, I’ve come on here to ask for a bit of advice. My boyfriend, who I will refer to as B, has been smoking weed since he was 12 and he is now 22, since getting together B always told me he’d quit and that’s why I stayed with him.
In October 2021 I found out that I was pregnant with our baby boy, I told him straight away that he needed to be off the drugs before our baby was born to which he reluctantly agreed.
Over the next few months B said that he had made progress but as he lives at home I did not believe him.
My son is now 5 weeks old, B has not come off the weed and it’s really affecting our relationship. My family have never been involved in drugs and I do not want to bring my baby up around them.
Yesterday, we went to a support service, in a nutshell, the mentor said that she doesn’t think he is really willing to come off the weed. I have to agree with her, he’s admitted to still being on 8/9 joints a day and smoking ‘doubles’ when he gets stressed.
He spends over £100 a week on weed and then tells me that he doesn’t have £10 to top up his phone so I can contact him whilst he’s at work.

Does anyone really think there’s any chance of him coming off the weed when he doesn’t seem to want to do it. He’s already had almost a year, what is a realistic time frame? The mentor said some people wake up one day and decide to never take it again and work hard to not relapse. B has said that he wants 2 or 3 years to come off it, but with the lack of progress and motivation so far I think he’s talking nonsense.

He’s grown up around drugs and all his family take them casually on a daily basis. I didn’t know that it was wired into his lifestyle like this and he told me when we first met that he took it socially now and again, obviously this was a lie.
He stays over at me and my families house at the weekend and just smokes a vape, he says this is progress but then says he’s “gagging” for weed by the time he gets home and smokes a really strong amount after not having it for the weekend. Surely this is counter productive and just feeding into his addiction.

I’ve told him that he’s got to pick between the drugs or his family, he’s had enough time to get off it or even make an ounce of progress.
He wouldn’t be coming off it if it wasn’t for me pressuring him so is it even possible?

[Justcallmebebes]

Speaking from experience. No, if this is his normal he won't give it up. You will be the unreasonable one cos everyone else does it so you need to loosen up.

You have a hard decision to make but now you have a child to take into consideration, he needs an ultimatum and if he won't stop and stay stopped and prove it for a considerable period of time, you need to walk away if you don't want a life with a stoner. They make shit fathers and partners

[HelloAllll]

Bit late now but why did you have a child with him? I would be giving the ultimatum that if he used drugs once more the relationship would be over

[LividLaVidaLoca]

He isn’t going to quit.

You’ve had the baby now. He didn’t quit when you were pregnant and he didn’t quit with a newborn, so he isn’t going to.

I’d say accept it or leave him, but really and truly you must KNOW that he’s a stoner loser and you’re an articulate adult who can do much better, and that your tiny baby deserves better?

[Ebonyhorse]

Wake up. Are you actually for real? Put your baby first.

[Thesearmsofmine]

He’s not going to give it up, why would he when it is seemingly a big part of his life plus he has no incentive because you have and continue to put up with it. I presume baby was not planned given that you both still live at home so won’t ask why you had a baby with him but realistically I wouldn’t continue this relationship because you and your dc aren’t as important to him as weed.

[MbatataOwl]

Does he work?

[Iflyaway]

Cocaine is better

Utter bullshit.

OP, get rid of this man who is more interested in weed than in his child with you.

[GreyGoose1980]

Leave him OP. He won’t change. Don’t waste another ten years and then realise he isn’t going to change,

[PermanentlyTired03]

He's reluctant to give it up and his family that he lives with all casually smoke it so it'll be even harder for him to quit. Sorry OP, the chances are minimal that he will stop, I know it's weed and not heroine but a 10yr habit will be hard to break.

[lastminutedotcom22]

@advice233

Leave him before the baby is old enough to realise there's an issue

If he can't give up for you and his son it's a no-go however to be honest I wouldn't have had a baby with a drug addict in the first instance - not helpful I know but now your in a horrible situation which could have been avoided

[Gingerkittykat]

Nine joints a day is a huge amount, I'm surprised he can work with that level of cannabis in his system, he must have built up a huge tolerance over the years.

I agree that it doesn't sound like he wants to give up the drugs, especially if he is spending time with other drug users when he is not with you.

[mathanxiety]

Give yourself a good hard slap in the face.

This isn't a fairy tale where the love of a good woman melts the heart of a villain or uncovers the diamond in the rough that nobody else could see.

Of course he's not going to stop smoking weed for you, and he doesn't give a damn about the baby.

You need to drop this waster and go after him for child support. When he's asked to part with his weed money you'll see how much you and the baby mean to him.

[Gonnagetacatwhenimovein]

Not a chance

[Janedoe82]

Walk away now while you are still young. He won’t change.