What was your turning point into recovery? She’s going to die if it doesn’t stop

[Perpop]

Hi,

A close family member is currently battling several addictions. Background is she’s a professional, mother, has a supportive family & long term partner 30+ years.

Addiction to started with painkillers due to an injury and has escalated over the years into alcohol dependency, drug taking, gambling & debts. Hasn’t gone to work for more than a few days without relapsing in about 2 years.

We’re at a loss as a family. Her immediate family are at the gp nearly every week with her and she tells them she’s fine, they’ve made several referrals to addiction teams and she hides the letters and doesn’t go, got her a rehab place and she stayed 20 mins, an ambulance was called because we thought she was going to die one night but she told them she was fine, she was hospitalised for 4 days recently with low potassium and still said she’s fine. We’ve tried tough love, support, talking, crying, begging, ignoring it - literally everything. Her partner and kids are at breaking point and she’s doing to die. Yet she insists she’s fine and says to leave her alone.

We’ve asked about getting her sectioned but she’s ‘not bad enough’. Has anyone been in this position? What was your turning point? Is there anything we’re missing?

This is probably outing but at this point we’ve nothing to lose and I don’t care if she reads it!

My turning point, was when I accepted that I was powerless over my loved one’s addiction. Until an addict ‘is sick of being sick’, do they start to recover.
I realised that I needed to change, so I sought support from www.familiesanonymous.org.uk. FA has regular meetings, literature, forum and a telephone helpline for the concerned relatives/friends of somebody with a suspected drug problem.
My loved one started to recover, when we stopped enabling him, used tough love and he had to leave the family home due to his unacceptable behaviour. There was no incentive to recover, when he was living in the family home, as he had meals provided etc. In other words, he needed to reach ‘rock bottom’.

My turning point was being frog marched into rehab by my brother and Mum 15 years ago…I wouldn’t have gone in on my own accord, I know people say that the person addicted has to help themselves. Spent 3 months there and it saved my life, I could’ve walked out anytime though but at the beginning I knew my Mum would go mental if I did, thank god I stayed. Sorry yiu are going through this

What @serene12 said.

@serene12 @Monkeytapper @serene12

thank you all for your messages of advice. I will look into the families anon now.

@Monkeytapper im so glad rehab worked for you. We will try this again too.

You need to read ‘mum can you lend me twenty quid’ by Elizabeth (can’t remember her surname). In 99% of addictions there is nothing YOU can do to help. It has to come entirely from the addict. As a health care professional it’s the best book I’ve ever read to understand addiction.

The only thing that helped my mom was hitting absolute rock bottom. Losing us kids and having to sell herself on the streets. She actually had a serious accident and ended up in a coma but when she came round she knew if she walked out that hospital and scored...well she'd die.

Too many people enabled her for too long. You've got to let go and hope she goes in the right direction x

She has to reach rock bottom unfortunately but Rock bottom isn't the same for everyone. My family member was told by a judge that he could either go to rehab or prison but either way he was going to get sober. That was his rock bottom , it was going to be the hard way or the very hard way. They are 3 years sober now, have their own place and a good job.