Sober for year and a half - realising not everything always is/was my fault!

[Rzim]

I used to be anxious that everything I did was wrong - normally it was - as I was drunk/hungover etc
Now I'm sober it's hard not to revert to being the one who feels always in the wrong. Have alpha husband who is permanently stressed and cross. The old me would have retreated into my shell - and I can feel myself doing this now - which creates a bit of a viscous circle - more I retreat less we talk etc!
Ask I'm very quick to take every comment/suggestion as a negative - when it's often just a comment!
Anyone relate?

Yes definitely...I think if you have a guilt complex (I know I do) then drinking/hangovers make things 10 x worse, I feel guilty and anxious for days after.

Have you had an therapy for it... I've found it's really helped, I used Betterhelp(I think they do couples counselling as well)it's online and I was more comfortable with that, you can choose if you message, video chat or just have a phonecall. I did live messaging as I clam up if asked to talk.
A relationship is 2 people so nope, not all your fault. Well done on a year and a half sober that's amazing! Do you and your husband have a decent relationship sometimes or is it always like you're retreating/walking on eggshells?

Is it possible that your relationship is emotionally unhealthy?

If it's something you're feeling in multiple situations you might want to read abote rejection sensitivity (RSD) - this is often associated with neurodiversity however I don't think it's unique to people with these conditions. A recovering addict would be highly likely to have the kinds of experiences which would lead to oversensitivity about the idea of rejection, or a heightened expectation/interpretation of actions as rejection.

Obviously everyone finds rejection/criticism hard - it's the over-interpretation and over-expectation that denotes a "sensitivity" particularly if it prevents you from taking action about things due to these feelings.

Wow Bertie that is really interesting information. Thank you.

OP I relate totally. I felt / feel like sobriety was like switching off all the dimmed living room lights up to maximum brightness.

I'm not sure it was quite the same, but (sober 2.5 yrs) there was definitely a period of adjustment with my partner where I was feeling into being more confident is who I was and what I was saying.

I remember being very clear that the decisions I was making and things I was saying were coming from a sober place so I was sure in myself and felt I could stand up for what I was saying and having to remind myself of that. And I remember feeling a bit like my DP was treating me like I was pissed and unreliable still.

On reflection it was a little bit him and a little bit my perception. We did move through it and we now have a nice healthy balance.

Thank you - I think you are right - it's about a period of adjustment! X