DH Alcohol Abuse

[DaisyBooToo]

Hi, following a post on here where I was given advice and another drunken night with his friends I have left my husband.
He has got a fright and is desperate to make amends, change, do more etc etc I have heard it all before and because he gets awkward I normally give in to stop it hurting the kids.
This time I am totally done and want to move on with my life and be the best parent for my kids and I want him to do that too. If he gets himself together and in a few months or years he has his self together then I would be open to talking however he says he can not make the improvements without my by his side.
Does anyone have any advice I think to help himself he needs to go it alone with the right professional support and I honestly am too tired to be his crutch. Would AA agree with this approach? Am I upsetting everyone and making it worse?

he can not make the improvements without my by his side

He will not make improvements until he decides to make them. You have nothing to do with it so stop listening to his gaslighting.

Don't go back, op. You will only find yourself on the same hamster wheel all over again. Your children have lived with an alcoholic long enough.

You can’t be responsible for his sobriety. He needs to get professional help. Not use you as a crutch (then probably blame you for some reason when he starts drinking again.)

I don't have any experience with this but I didn't want to read and run. I think if staying so far hasn't elicited any changes in him then leaving isn't going to make anything worse. You are right you need to live your life and look after your children how you see fit. Good luck and I'm sorry that you are in this situation.

As the child of an alcoholic please have the strength to leave, I wished my mum had a lot sooner. We all spent years shouldering the burden and it's really affected my adult life, he needs to take responsibility for his actions. It's taken me many years to shake the feeling of responsibility when it is solely down to the alcoholic themselves

Just go, he’s emotionally manipulating you. As the pp said, he’s not made the changes with you by his side so far, so it’s hardly likely to change long term. He will give it lip service then crack on.

Just go and get your life back.

You're not a rehab centre for a man who has broken himself .

His recovery IF he actually decides to follow through with it will take years not months.

You can be friends but not romantically involved.Time to move onwards and upwards.You're already on the right path by leaving him.

Thank you - the emotional manipulation is very difficult as I do love him very much but I have been enabling the situation far too long and in the process of trying to do the right thing have done the wrong thing for my kids.

Hi DaisyBooToo, I am a recovering Alcoholic and have been fighting the disease for 20years (Yes it is a disease for all of those who blindly think its just will power). You cannot help and trust me my 2 ex wifes would confirm this. First I suggest you approach AL-ANON www.al-anonuk.org.uk. They will help to rebuild you which is the priority, and they will help you deal with this (The first thing they will teach you is you are powerless so save your energy). Secondly your Husband has to accept he has a disorder before considering any options, and this is nothing to be ashamed of 6-8% of the population suffer from this and hide it well. I have spent many years and researching this subject and the AA is one in a number of options. There are options that will allow him to continue having a drink, but normally with a 78% success rate (Much Higher than the AA). There is the abstinence route with AA and SMART. My company offer an operation which prevents someone for drinking for 12months i have taken this option myself and we have clients that return year on year. If you are interested in any of the above reply to this message. I am not selling but can outline the options and links for you. Again the priority in this situation is YOU contact AL-ANON they are the support services for family members and friend of those impacted by alcoholics.

I hope it’s going well. I wish I had your strength. X