Day One......codeine and caffeine

[EmbarassedAddict]

Made it to 2pm on day one with no codeine or caffeine (I’ve been tapering down for weeks, been making attempts to taper and quit for months/years).

I may struggle once I’ve picked the DCs up from school, but I’ve got a nice loaf of specialty fruit bread to toast for afternoon tea to have with a cup of Rooibos tea. I’ve been for a long walk this morning and ordered a ludicrously expensive three day juice cleanse to start on Thursday. I know it’s utter guff, but if I blow it now, that’s £150+ pissed up the wall if I’m juicing around regular doses of Solpadeine Max washed down with a double shot espresso. Plus maybe it will do something for my poor liver that’s had all that paracetamol dumped on it needlessly.

I can deal with the diarrhoea, but this feeling of the vice around my head is my biggest risk. If it escalates to a full on migraine, I’m fucked and back to square one.

Day Six.......

Weekend with the DCs around constantly. I always find this the hardest...love them to their bones but there’s no let up...

Well done, keep going, low expectations for the weekend activities.

How’s the day been?

I’ve somehow amazingly done 2 days without taking any. I’m just waiting for the death feeling to hit me!
I’ve had my second Pfizer vaccine this morning so hoping that doesn’t destroy all my determination!

Well done. Keep going 🙂

Well done - should be almost past the worst.

I’ve been addicted to painkillers twice (you think I’d have learnt the first time) - I felt so crap when I was withdrawing I couldn’t eat and felt totally spaced out.

Same as you I get migraines, but taking painkillers long term causes rebound headaches, so totally pointless taking them. Feel crap if you take them and crap if you don’t.

Good luck.

Finished the juice cleanse. I feel so limp I can barely lift an eyebrow. No idea how people do that crazy lark for longer, but I feel very virtuous and it’s given me something slightly daft to distract myself with.

I popped out by myself for something today and for the first time in a very, very long time didn’t pop by a couple of pharmacies to stock up

Oh well done

One day at a time

Well done

Well done

Amazing work
You got this xxx

Day Seven......

Last pills and coffee a week ago today. God I’d love some now...

Good luck, OP. I’m on dihydrocodeine for a collapsed disc in my back. I also suffer with depression which I have found improved massively with the pills. Unfortunately I’m now dependant on them and I am going to request a taper with the GP when I next speak to her.

7 days is absolutely amazing, OP. Well done. There is no shame on having these dependencies, so please don’t be embarrassed. I’m dreading my taper but apparently the first week is the worst as far as withdrawals go. Keep it up, girl! I’m with you!

Amazing! You are doing so well!!
Have the headaches eased?!

Thank you all for your support

Not really, Polly. A permanent, low-to-middle grade headache is my default setting which is what got me on constant painkillers in the first place. Then it burgeons into a full blown migraine every week or two.

It’s definitely more middle-grade today. All I can think of is getting a full-caff double shot out of my machine, wash down a couple of Solpadeine Max and enjoy my afternoon...

ONE WEEK

The devil on my shoulder was screaming in my ear all afternoon yesterday but I held out.

I keep my pills in a locked medicine box with a code. It had a very marginal effect on deterring me from hitting them so constantly, but only marginal. I’m toying with the idea of explaining myself to DH, getting him to change the code and asking him to be ‘gatekeeper’. I can’t be far off a migraine - not to mention my second COVID jab on Wednesday - but I do not want to get back into my habit of not stopping once I genuinely need to take them. If I have to ask him to crack open the safe, as it were, I think it would make me check myself even more.

It’s starting the conversation and admitting it, though...

Embarrassedaddict please try NA zoom meetings.
Will power is all very well but it’s exhausting and by no means guaranteed to work indefinitely.
You’ve done brilliantly as it’s hard to resist that devil on the shoulder.

That would require me to admit my nasty little habit to my DH Andante and I just can’t bring myself to do it.

Well, I had a migraine night before last, and I made it through on one coffee, 100mg sumatriptan and two Solpadeine Max in 24 hours...I’ve woken up this morning with what feels like the end of it so I had another coffee and two more Solpadeine Max. I hope to God that’s it but I’ve got my second vaccine today, so all bets are off if I’m feeling like shit tomorrow and have to get through a day of work...

How are you doing today after your vaccine?

My arm is still aching from Saturday but the headache finally went yesterday!!

I’m really faltering, as expected...

Two rounds of Solpadeine Max, three coffees and 100mg sumatriptan for a re-emerging migraine in the afternoon yesterday. If I’m honest with myself, only the second round of Solpadeine was ‘necessary’ - I should have waited to see if the morning headache would lift.

Feel like shit today as expected, so two Solpadeine Max at 5am this morning (I’m sure I could have just stuck to 8/500 cocodamol...) and two coffees to get myself into work...

I will take nothing more today. I will do better tomorrow.

In positive news, I’ve bagged a cancelled appointment with my neurologist (literally waiting on a telephone clinic as we speak). Antibody injections for migraines weren’t available on the NHS the last time I saw him well over 18 months ago. It’s literally the only thing I haven’t tried (done Botox, infusions, every licensed and unlicensed prophylactic going...) but they’re now rolling out a trial. I’m under no allusions that it will be a definite cure but at least it won’t be a case of me leaving a stone unturned.

Spoke to him...

...blahblahblah rebound headaches (ie your fault for being selfish enough to want to be able to cope with work and kids with a poleaxe through your head - I only told him about the sumatriptan as he thinks codeine is the antichrist) BUT he’s starting me on the injections. He’s quite fixated that using any pain relief reduces the effect of any prophylactic treatments (even though there is NOTHING in the evidence to say this - I’ve read the papers on the clinical trials myself) but I’m just going to have to find a middle ground and feed him selective information as I cannot live my life puking in a dark room every week to ten days.

If nothing else, this will give me a kick to hold off as much as I possibly can on the pills so I don’t have a stick to beat myself with yet again.

Hi OP, sorry you’re having to go through this, sounds grim. Two thoughts, feel free to dismiss them out of hand:

1. Have you tried high-dose aspirin at onset of migraine, or even the aura if you get one? 900-1200mg or so?

1. Have you considered a daith piercing? Lots of anecdata, but have heard some real success stories

Thanks Sacre but if I had a pound for every time I’d been given those suggestions (or even a penny...) I could retire in luxury. No, they haven’t worked for me.

I started with migraines at around 14 and have been under a neurologist for years. There is literally not a single medical or non-medical treatment I haven’t heard of or tried many times over. My favourite one was ‘have you tried tying a rubber ball really tightly over the area of pain on your forehead?’ I’ll admit I did not try that one because I’m not quite sure how that enables me to get on with my life! I had visions of me standing in the school pick up line or treating a patient looking like an utter numpty!

I’ve done it...I’ve told DH and he was utterly lovely. I really don’t know why I worry about anything like this with him.

I’ve handed him my pill box and he’s changed the code so I can’t get at them without asking him first (which I’ll only do when in extremis because I’m so ashamed of myself). He says he’ll never ‘gatekeep’ but try and take note if I’m asking more than usual. He’s even devised a plan for if he’s away for any reason.

It’s our 16th wedding anniversary today. I think I’ll keep him.

@EmbarassedAddict I thought that might be the case, just know how well the aspirin worked for me and it wasn’t mentioned so figured it was worth a (small and hesitant) punt!

So great that you have told your husband, well done you!

I tried all sorts too. Osteopath, acupuncture (2 different ones at different times), herbalist, no caffeine, alcohol, chocolate etc, various meds etc over the years.

Very little worked. Going through the menopause has helped loads (prob not v helpful for you atm) as has regular sleep (ds’s aren’t children any more), massage and yoga (obs learning to relax).

Meadowsweet tea has also helped and is good for nausea.

Some days will be harder than others for you, but long term you’re doing the best thing. It will get easier, just take one day at a time.