90 days sober

[mumfromafar]

I'm 90 days sober and still miserable. When does it get better? I am currently in a crisis house as my mental health has deteriorated so much but it's only for a week and then I'm back to the dry house I'm staying in 100s of miles away from my children and family. It's depressing and old and no one understands the mental health aspects of my life. COVID means I can't volunteer (I am in Lancashire so the highest area), I can't visit my children and havent seen them since August. My ex has full custody anyway so I'm struggling with that. I feel suicidal most of the time, I am bored out of my mind and feel anxious all day and it keeps me awake at night. I still have cravings that are so intense they also keep me awake. I am tryi g CA but I don't feel I am getting anything from it, being on step 4 probably isnt helping. I know most of this is circumstantial but I can't even get out of bed most days, I cry all the time, I miss home and I'm just not coping. Every day I just wait for it to end and hope the next one is better but it never is.

Anyone?

Well done for doing 90 days - keep going. Sorry it’s still tough. I’m not experienced but wanted to offer encouragement

Op I am sorry you are going through this and well done for being 90 days sober.
Can you go to a zoom AA meeting? You can share how you are feeling and everyone at the meeting will understand. A meeting will also hopefully help remove cravings.
What does the doctor say? Could he/she maybe change your meds for some that might work better?
I know that Christmas can be a very difficult time - and I’m sure that being unable to see your children for so long must be extremely painful.

However, as I said, you have done brilliantly to be 3 months sober, that’s a fantastic achievement in itself.

I’m 11 months sober this month & it’s the hardest bloody thing I’ve ever had to go through & I’ve had some real shit times in my life. You are doing bloody amazing & don’t forget it. I would ring the dr to see if they could give could prescribe you something different. My cravings are still there but less intense and less often. Just hang in there & swim for ya bloody life xx

Congratulations OP! I think I commented on a post of yours before when it was your birthday? Apologies if I'm mixing you up.

Are you in Lancashire or a city? There's lots of meetings and meet ups going on :)

I only skim read your post before commenting I felt I should pop back and say it's crap how much you are struggling. I hope the crisis housing can offer you something for now... Does your normal accommodation not offer counselling or group therapies?

How did you meet your sponsor? Do you have a good relationship?

I've just hit 11m through two programs. I look at my life a year ago and I don't recognise myself.

Well done on three months! Fantastic warrior! We all have blips and those feelings that everything should be better immediately and Ss4 and 5 are tough. Keep doing what you're doing. It's working. If you use the tools and keep getting time under your belt and helping people new in as well as longer and people like me. I've just had to end my relationship as he had a real problem with coke - not my place to tell him and the hardest thing I've had to do yet. But it's amazing what we can achieve

I'm in Preston but most face to face meetings are closed. I was doing zoom but I havent done a meeting for over a week (can't really do them while I'm in the crisis house). I'm already on quite alot of meds and they have just upped one of them so hopefully they will kick in in a week or so. I'm not getting much from the crisis house, just a break from the depressing dry house. They don't offer any counselling no, I'm under the mental health team but still waiting to be allocated a nurse. All I want is to be moved closer to home to some sort of supported accommodation as I don't feel I can live alone yet.

Is a move likely to happen? Is there a way to apply for it or is it like hospital beds and you just have to go wherever there is space?

I'm really shocked and disappointed they don't do counselling as all the houses my friends stayed in did :(

Are you able to access the local drug and alcohol team's services? My local team is offering face to face DEAP or RAMP (I get the two mixed up!)

If you felt comfortable I could put a message out and try and find some people in your area that would be willing to meet and chat?

I have to wait for a bed basically unless I bid on council places in jan and live alone which I dont think I'm ready for. The staff are just there to support with day to day issues, make sure we stay sober etc. I need counselling badly but because they are unsure how long I'll be here they will not refer me. The waiting list is ridiculously long anyway.

Op why can’t you do zoom meetings in the crisis house? Is it because you don’t have access to a computer or there isn’t enough privacy?

We do activities in the evening so I can't do them and we have groups in the day, I am going to get back on them when I'm home Thursday. I need to push through this but my motivation is really lacking. I used to love to run and now I have to force myself out for a 20 min walk!

@mumfromafar the lack of privacy sounds really difficult. Can you escape even for half an hour? Zoom meetings are on 24 hours a day - I mainly do local meetings but there are so many in London that they're on all the time. I join them via phone and headphones - you could be doing anything as far as anyone else is concerned.

Good luck with going home tomorrow, running and motivation - you have a great start with your sobriety - one day at a time.

How you doing @mumfromafar ?

I'm leaving the crisis house today and having to go back to the dry house 😢 I am feeling cared that all my depressive and anxious feelings will return when I get back but I am trying to stay positive as I get to go back home on the 20th and I'm seeing my children on the 26th. I hope the skills I have learns can help me through the next week but I am scared to go back and feel worried I will slip back again.

Sending positive vibes for today.

It's great news about the Christmas break you're getting.

Hey @mumfromafar, how are you getting on?

I'm OK, trying to keep busy and stay positive until I can go home for Xmas. Still feeling very low but I think it's just something ill have to put up with, like my anxiety altho it is better than it was.