Just want a normal life

[dontsitdown]

I am so fed up with the rollercoaster of cocaine, we are doing it almost every other day now. It's not fun like it used to be and is really starting to affect my life. So why can't we stop?!
I wish I could enjoy lovely cosy evenings with a hot chocolate but I always end up getting a coke delivery.
Today is day one, again. Dinner is in the oven, have chosen a film to watch with eldest DD. Feeling strong at the moment.......

Although we did 7 wraps between 2 of us on Tuesday night and I felt so awful the next day the memory is fresh in my mind so that's helping to curb my cravings at the moment...!

Honesty is the foundation of recovery, well done for coming on here and being honest. This isn't going to be a walk in the park, so the more help you can get the better. keep sharing here, you are getting some good non judgemental support..

Did you manage to resist spun?
I didn't do any last night, still feel crap today though. My office is shutting Wednesday and husband hasn't got much work, just hoping the boredom of lockdown doesn't mean more coke last time.
Thanks for all the posts and non judgement l

Well I held out yesterday but now I'm sat here crying because he's being stubborn and won't come over with coke because he's got work tomorrow. Fucking fucking addiction.

Its shit now and I know exactly how you feel but you'll be relieved in the morning that you haven't done any. Get yourself in bed. I'm so tempted tonight but luckily no spare cash or I'd have got some. X

Hey don't how are you doing this week?

Hi, not too bad thank you! Did some one night but that's all so definitely a step in the right direction.
I'm out of work now for a month so trying to keep busy.
Have deleted and blocked all my numbers which I've never felt brave enough to do before. Hoping for a sober weekend.
Thanks so much for checking in, I really appreciate it x

Sounds like you're doing well and it's a step in the right direction!
Hopefully being out of work for the month doesn't backfire. Just imagine the money you could save for when the world opens back up.

Well done for deleting numbers that shows you really want this. In the early days I found I had to structure my time, hour by hour. Otherwise I was much more likely to react to my cravings. I also found binging on chocolate and Netflix really helped, as well as 'rolling the tape forward' to how I would feel in the morning..

Hey don't, checking in on you. Hope you are ok and if you aren't ok that it feels safe to share what's going on

How are you getting on OP?

Thanks so much for thinking of me! Was doing so well but since lockdown I’ve started again. Nowhere near as much as before but so pissed off with myself.

Hey don't, sorry it's started back up again. It's such an insidious drug isn't it...so good at convincing us it will be a good idea and that this time it will be different... have you tried deleting numbers?

Sorry to hump on but I've been following. 11 days without any!!! Feel so proud of myself and dp

Amazing Shas!!! I bet you feel great. How have you done it? Cold turkey or with support?

Hi! I currently work in substance misuse with kids who are impacted by it and ill let you know now -- adult smu workers are shite at referring to services like mine for kids! I know everyone is scared of social care but they are there to help you and your children. They avoid taking them into care as much as possible and the secret is - they cannot afford to! And they want your babies at home with you their mum.

Cocaine is a bugger of a substance cause not only does it keep you up it costs a frigging bomb! You've done the right thing reaching out OP. If you're not using daily or above I doubt they'll even consider rehab as .. .you got it- costs a bomb!

Go to the services they are there to help you and know so much and can help. There is a bright light at the end all you have to do is ask for help - it can happen to anyone xx

How are you doing OP?